七種表達“不”的簡單方法
Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Are you always trying to be nice to others at the expense of yourself?
你是否窘于說“不”，你是否總是善待他人卻忽視了自己的意愿？
Well, you’re not alone. In the past, I was not good at saying “no”, because I didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
好吧，你不是唯一像這樣的人，我過去也曾因為怕傷害別人的感情而不善于說“不”。
For example, whenever I get requests for help, I would attend to them even though I had important work to do. Sometimes the requests would drag to 2-3 hours or even beyond. At the end of the day, I would forgo sleep to catch up on my work. This problem of not knowing how to say “no” also extended to my clients, business associates and even sales people.
例如，不論任何時候別人要我?guī)兔?，盡管自己有重要的事要去做，我還是會盡力地幫他們。有時候事情會拖到兩三個小時甚至更長，到了最后，我還是要熬夜趕我自己的工作。這就是不懂說“不”的困擾，我的很多客戶、同事甚至銷售人員也是如此。
After a while, I realized all these times of not saying “no” (when I should) were not helping me at all. I was spending a lot of time and energy for other people and not spending nearly as much time for myself. It was frustrating especially since I brought it upon myself. I slowly realized if I wanted personal time, I needed to learn to say “no”.
之后，我才意識到那些本應該拒絕卻沒有說“不”事情對我一點都沒有好處。我為別人花費了很多時間和精力卻未能給自己一樣多的時間，由于聯(lián)想到自己我就特別地沮喪。慢慢地我意識到如果我想要擁有個人時間，我就必須學會說“不”。
Why We Find It Hard To Say “No”
為什么我們難于說“不”
To learn to say “No”, we have to first understand what’s resisting us about it. Below are common reasons why people find it hard to say no:要想學會說“不”，首先要知道什么在阻礙我們說"不"。下面就是通常人們難于說“不”的一些原因。
1. You want to help. You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time.1.你樂于助人。你有顆善良的心，你不愿避開別人的請求并且盡可能地會幫助他人，即使這會花費你自己的時間。
2. Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying “No”, especially to people who are more senior, is rude. This thinking is common in Asia culture, where face-saving is important. Face-saving means not making others look bad (a.k.a losing face).
2.怕被認為無禮。我們從小就受到這種觀念影響：說“不”是不禮貌的，尤其是對自己的長輩。這種思想在愛面子的亞洲文化中是很常見的，保全面子就是意味著不能讓人難堪（就是丟面子）。
3. Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement. So you confirm to others’ requests.
3.想變得平易近人。你不想自己被集體疏遠，就要和其他人的意見一致，所以你會同意他人的請求。
4. Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her. This might lead to an ugly confrontation. Even if there isn’t, there might be dissent created which might lead to negative consequences in the future.
4.怕造成矛盾。你害怕因你的拒絕而引起這個人生氣，因而造成沒必要的令人難受的矛盾，甚至擔心這個矛盾將來還可能會導致消極影響。
5. Fear of lost opportunities. Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors. For example, one of my clients’ wife was asked to transfer to another department in her company. Since she liked her team, she didn’t want to shift. However, she didn’t want to say no as she felt it would affect her promotion opportunities in the future.
5.擔心喪失機會。或許你認為說不意味著拒而不納，例如，我的一個客戶的妻子被調(diào)到她公司的另一個部門，但她喜歡她原來的團隊，并不想調(diào)職。但是她也并沒有拒絕，因為她覺得這次調(diào)職將利于她未來的升職。
6. Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.
6.為了維持關系。一些人認為把說“不”看作被拋棄的跡象，它可能導致與他人關系破裂和友情的斷絕。
If you nodded to any of the reasons, I’m with you. They applied to me at one point or another. However, in my experience dealing with people at work and in life, I realized these reasons are more misconceptions than anything. Saying “No” doesn’t mean you are being rude; neither does it mean you are being disagreeable. Saying “No” doesn’t mean there will be conflict nor that you’ll lose opportunities in the future. And saying no most definitely doesn’t mean you’re burning bridges. These are all false beliefs in our mind.
如果你對所有原因都點頭認可的話，我能明白你。因為有些時候我就是像那樣的。然而從我在生活和工作中與人交往的經(jīng)驗過程中，我意識到這些原因當中存在這一些主要的錯誤想法。說“不”并不意味著你就是待人粗魯，也不就代表著你一定平易近人，它也不一定會產(chǎn)生矛盾或者說是丟失未來的機遇。并且絕對不會讓你的人際關系斷絕的。這也就是所有我認為存在的錯誤想法。
At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no”, rather than the fact you’re saying no, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. Say no is your prerogative.但是歸根結底，這是關于如何表達“不”的，而不是說不的事實本身怎么樣，這個至關重要。畢竟，我們都有自己優(yōu)先考慮到事情和需要，就像每個人都有自己的需求一樣。說不是有關尊重和重視你自己的時間和個人空間的事情。說不是你的特權。
7 Simple Ways To Say “No”七種說不的簡單方法
Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about learning the right way to say no. After I began to say no to others, I realized it’s really not as bad as I thought. The other people were very understanding and didn’t put up any resistance. Really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind.這些方法不是要求你完全地避免說不，而是完全關于如何學會說不的正確方法。當我開始對他人說不之后，我知道她并沒有我想像的如此糟糕。人們會十分理解我而且不會提出反對意見。事實如此，擔心僅僅是我們自己的想法。
If you are not sure how to do so, here are 7 simple ways for you to say no. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.
如果你不確定如何去做的話，這里有七種簡單的方法可以幫到你。請在最符合你的情況時使用方法。
1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
1.“我不能答應這件事因為現(xiàn)在我有其他重要的事情要做。”
If you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment, so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests. If it makes it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better. I use this when I have too many commitments to attend to.
如果你太忙而不能給予他人幫助，這條適合你。這樣說能讓請你幫忙的人知道你的行程目前是滿的，因此他/她會放棄請求，甚至以后也不會輕易打擾你。如果你能很容易做到這個的話，你還可以向他告知你正在做的事情，這樣他就能更好地理解你。
2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?”2. “現(xiàn)在時間可能不合適因為我正在進行一些事情，在下次某時我們再聯(lián)系怎么樣？”
It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of something. Sometimes I get phone calls from friends or associates when I’m in a meeting or doing important work. This method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off.
通常我們正在進行某件工作時會突然接到一個請求，有時候這可能是來自于朋友或同事的一個電話。此時這種方法能很好的婉拒請求。首先，你讓你的朋友知道因為你正在工作現(xiàn)在時間不適合。其次你需要建議其它時間，以傳達你想幫忙的意愿并被對方所理解，用這種方法能避免人產(chǎn)生誤解。
3. “I’d love to do this, but …”3.“我很喜歡做這個，但是...”
I often use this as it’s a gentle way of breaking no to the other party. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong about it. I often get collaboration proposals from fellow bloggers and business associates which I can’t participate in and I use this method to gently say no. Their ideas are absolutely great, but I can’t take part due to other reasons such as prior commitments (#1) or different needs (#5).
作為一個能委婉向?qū)Ψ奖磉_不的方式，我常用這種方法。它另人感到鼓舞因為這讓人感覺你是很喜歡做他的請求并且請求的事情也沒有什么不對的。我經(jīng)常會受到博客伙伴們和同事們的合作建議，而當我不能采納時候，我會使用這種方法委婉地拒絕。他們的提議絕對很好，但是因為諸如先前已作的承諾或需求不同而不能接受了。
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”4.“讓我先想想，以后回復你。”
This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this. Sometimes I’m pitched a great idea which meets my needs, but I want to hold off on committing as I want some time to think first. There are times when new considerations pop in and I want to be certain of the decision before committing myself. If the person is sincere about the request, he/she will be more than happy to wait a short while. Specify a date / time-range (say, in 1-2 weeks) where the person can expect a reply.相比直接說出不，這更像是“可能會就拒絕你”。如果你有興趣，但還不想馬上同意，就用這個吧。有時候我們會碰到正好符合需求的建議，但是希望在同意之前先好好思考一下。這時會突然出現(xiàn)之前沒有想到的新的注意事項，我們于是很想在全力做這件是之前確定自己的決定。如果提議的人很認真她/他 也會很樂意等待一下的。但要明確提議者確切會收到回復的日期或時間（如兩個星期）。
If you’re not interested in what the person has to offer at all, don’t lead him/her on. Use methods #5, #6 or #7 which are definitive.如果你對他人要求的事一點也不感興趣，就不要讓他/她繼續(xù)等待，而是使用5、6、7的方法。
5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”5.“這并非我現(xiàn)在想要的但我會記住的”
If someone is pitching a deal/opportunity which isn’t what you are looking for, let him/her know straight-out that it doesn’t meet your needs. Otherwise, the discussion can drag on longer than it should. It helps as the person know it’s nothing wrong about what he/she is offering, but that you are looking for something else. At the same time, by saying you’ll keep him/her in mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities.如果某人正在想你提出一個交易或機遇，但不是你所期望的。直接讓她知道你不想要這個，無益的討論只是在浪費時間。當提議者知道她們的提議并沒有錯，而且知道你只是在尋找其他的東西時，它很有效。同時，你說會記住她 的建議表明以后還有機會的。
6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
6.“我不是能幫你的最好的人選，為什么不問問某某呢？”
If you are being asked for help in something which you (i) can’t contribute much to (ii) don’t have resources to help, let it be known they are looking at the wrong person. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow-up on – whether it’s someone you know, someone who might know someone else, or even a department. I always make it a point to offer an alternate contact so the person doesn’t end up in a dead end. This way you help steer the person in the right place.如果你被要求做某件事而這時A:你不能貢獻很多B:你也沒有可提供幫助的資源。要讓他們知道他們找錯人了，如果可能，指引他們一個能繼續(xù)尋求幫助的人選，不論是你認識的人，還是一個可能認識其他人的人甚至某個機構。我總是特別注意提供一個可備選人的聯(lián)系方式，不至于他們的求助止于死胡同里，這個方法可以指引人們正確的求助方向。
7. “No, I can’t.”7.“不，我不能。”
The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no. As I shared earlier in this article, these barriers are self-created and they are not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it outright. You’ll be surprised when the reception isn’t half as bad as what you imagined it to be.
這是最簡單也是最簡單的說不的方式。我們可能會在腦海里形成了很多的說不的障礙，正如之前所說的，障礙是自己建立的并且他們一點都不實際。說不不要想得太多，直接說出來就可以了。你將會驚訝于其實最后的感受并非如你所想的那樣糟糕。
Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it actually is. You’ll get more time for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you. I know I do and I’m happy I started doing that.學會說不就是拒絕（這里我認為requests應該是拒絕的意思）不是你想要的，一旦你那樣做了，你將會發(fā)現(xiàn)它其實是多么容易的 事情。你會為自己、工作以及對自己重要的事情得到更多的時間，我知道我一定而且很樂意開始那樣做。
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