Around 700,000 children are abused every year in the U.S. alone.僅美國每年就約有70萬兒童受到虐待。We may assume that as long as we don’t spank our kids, it’s of no concern to us.我們可能會認(rèn)為，只要我們不打孩子，這與我們無關(guān)。But we forget about emotional abuse.但我們忘記了情感虐待。According to a UNICEF analysis of 68 studies, the incidence of emotional abuse among Children aged 0 to 17 in China is 19.6%; The incidence of neglect was 26.0%.UNICEF（聯(lián)合國兒童基金會）曾對 68 篇研究文獻(xiàn)進(jìn)行分析，結(jié)果顯示中國 0～17 歲兒童中：遭受情感虐待的發(fā)生率為 19.6%；遭受忽視的發(fā)生率為 26.0%。A random word we blurt out without even thinking can lead to anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem.我們未曾思考就脫口而出的某一個(gè)詞，都可能會導(dǎo)致孩子的焦慮，抑郁，或自卑。What kind of words that we think we have good intentions but brought harm to our children in the future?有哪些自以為用心良苦，卻給孩子以后生活帶來了傷害的話呢？
1. Comparing your child to others
將你的孩子與他人進(jìn)行比較
If you compare your child with your best friend’s “perfect son,” they won’t be able to see the correct image of themselves and will feel like losers.如果你把你的孩子和你閨蜜的'完美兒子'進(jìn)行比較，他們將無法正確認(rèn)識自己的形象，會覺得自己是失敗者。Favoritism among siblings, in its turn, leads to an unnecessary rivalry between them.發(fā)生在兄弟姐妹之間的偏袒，反過來又導(dǎo)致他們之間不必要的競爭。 More than that, one of them will feel unloved while the other one will have to bear the burden of the ideal child that has to do everything in the best way in order to keep the position.更重要的是，他們中的某一個(gè)會感到不被愛，而另一個(gè)將不得不承擔(dān)理想孩子的負(fù)擔(dān)，必須以最好的方式做一切，以保持地位。 According to this study, if you favor one child over another, it results in more depression symptoms when they grow up.
否認(rèn)孩子的感受 Sure enough, a broken toy may seem unimportant in comparison to having to pay the bills every month, but it doesn’t mean that a child doesn’t have the right to feel emotional about it.當(dāng)然，和每個(gè)月要付的賬單相比，一個(gè)壞了的玩具似乎不重要，但這并不意味著孩子沒有權(quán)利因?yàn)橥婢弋a(chǎn)生情緒。 When this happens, kids learn to suppress their joy, sadness, or anger and grow up to be adults who are unable to express themselves or build stable relationships with people.當(dāng)這種情況發(fā)生時(shí)，孩子們學(xué)會抑制他們的快樂、悲傷或憤怒，長大后成為無法表達(dá)自己或與他人建立穩(wěn)定關(guān)系的成年人。 According to this research, it can be hard for them to bear their intense emotions in the future, which can cause depression and anxiety when they become adults.根據(jù)這項(xiàng)研究，他們將來很難承受強(qiáng)烈的情緒，成年后會導(dǎo)致抑郁和焦慮。
3. Gaslighting or lying to your kids
對孩子進(jìn)行操縱或撒謊
（注：Gaslighting”（煤氣燈）：在心理學(xué)上指一種心理操縱方式，即操縱者倒打一耙，試圖讓對方去質(zhì)疑自己對事實(shí)的理解、記憶或觀點(diǎn)。）You gaslight when you make a person feel uncertain about their memory by telling lies or just mildly changing the given information.當(dāng)你說謊或略微改變已知的信息，讓一個(gè)人對他們的記憶感到不確定時(shí)，你就會用進(jìn)行心理操縱。This can also happen when you pretend you never made a promise to your child.當(dāng)你假裝從未向你的孩子許下諾言時(shí)，這種情況也可能發(fā)生。 It will make them doubt themselves and the world around them, which can result in low self-esteem.這會使他們懷疑自己和周圍的世界，可能導(dǎo)致自卑。 This can lead to anxiety, depression, and in extreme cases, psychosis.可能會導(dǎo)致焦慮、抑郁，在極端情況下，甚至導(dǎo)致精神病。
4. Loving them conditionally
有條件地愛他們
We’re sure you don’t mean any harm by saying things like this. 我們明白你說這樣的話沒有什么惡意。 On the contrary, you want to push your child forward and motivate them.相反，你想推動你的孩子前進(jìn)，并激勵他們。 While this is what you think, what your child hears is: “Other people and I will only love you if you do everything perfectly. 雖然這是你所想，你的孩子聽到的卻是：'我們所有人都會很愛你，如果你做的一切都很完美。 You yourself are not worthy of love without your accomplishments.”沒有成就， 你就不值得被愛?！?/span> This shows that we have excessive demands when it comes to performance.這表明我們一開始對孩子的表現(xiàn)就有過多的要求。
5. Questioning their abilities
質(zhì)疑他們的能力
This doesn’t help a kid to try harder.這對孩子做得更好一點(diǎn)幫助也沒有。 It actually has the opposite effect.實(shí)際上它有相反的效果。 The more you point out their incapabilities, the higher the chance that they’ll give up.你越指出他們的無能，他們放棄的機(jī)率就越高。 Such phrases from parents make children lose confidence in themselves, which will lead to depression and anxiety when they grow up.父母的這些話會使孩子對自己失去信心，這會導(dǎo)致他們長大后的抑郁和焦慮。
6. Labeling them with their mental abilities and/or physical features
用他們的智力/身體特征給他們貼上標(biāo)簽 While kids are always told to ignore hurtful things that bullies say to them, they can’t always do the same when it comes to their parents’ words.雖然孩子們總是被告知要忽略欺負(fù)者對他們說的傷人的話，但當(dāng)談到父母的話時(shí)，他們并不能總做到忽略。 Whether you’re pointing out their physical or mental disabilities, it distorts the image they have of themselves.無論你指出他們的身體殘疾或精神殘疾，它都會扭曲他們對自己的形象認(rèn)知。 It may result in emergence of a variety of psychiatric problems including eating disorders.它可能導(dǎo)致各種精神問題的出現(xiàn)，包括飲食失調(diào)。
7. Making them feel like they owe you something
讓他們覺得自己欠你一些東西
Sure, you likely had to make sacrifices to have kids.當(dāng)然，你可能需要犧牲很多才能擁有一個(gè)孩子。 But it was your choice to have them.但生下他們是你的選擇。 Don’t shift the responsibility onto them.不要把責(zé)任轉(zhuǎn)移到他們身上。 They don’t have to feel guilty because of your decisions.他們不必因?yàn)槟愕臎Q定而感到內(nèi)疚。 In some cases it may lead to pathological guilt that in its turn is associated with various neurosis including obsessive-compulsive disorder.在某些情況下，這可能導(dǎo)致病理罪惡感，進(jìn)而與各種神經(jīng)癥相關(guān)，包括強(qiáng)迫癥。In any case, everyone’s birth has no choice, no matter whether the child is smart or not, don’t forget your love for him.無論如何，每個(gè)人的出生都無法選擇，不論孩子聰明與否，別忘了你對他的愛。 如果你也同意這些觀點(diǎn)， 點(diǎn)亮“在看”和身邊的家長們共勉！ 編輯 |Azhi
