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Three years ago,myeldest daughter attended her friend’s birthday party. I wasbusyattending to my other children when the mother handed mydaughter apiece of cake. I askedmydaughter, “Didyousay, ‘Thankyou’?” Mydaughtersaid yes, she had. But the motherinterjectedwith, “Meh,they’rekids. Kids don’t need tohavemanners.” Iwasquite taken aback. I’ve never been a supporter ofthesaying, “kids willbekids.” Ihavethree young children and I believe that children are a lotmorecapable than we all realize. If we set low expectationsforchildren, we get low results. But when we see them as littlepeoplewho can be taught how to be kind and considerate, then theirfutureprospects will be so very different.

三年前, 我的大女兒參加了她朋友的生日晚會。當(dāng)媽媽遞給我女兒一塊蛋糕時, 我正忙于照料我的其他孩子。我問我女兒,"你說,' 謝謝 '？我女兒說是的, 她有。但母親插嘴說,"咩, 他們是孩子。孩子們不需要有禮貌。我很吃驚。我從來不支持這句諺語,"孩子們會是孩子"。我有三個年幼的孩子, 我相信孩子們比我們所認(rèn)識的更能干。如果我們對孩子的期望值過低, 我們就會得到低的結(jié)果。但是當(dāng)我們把他們看作是可以被教導(dǎo)如何善解人意的小人, 那么他們的未來前景將是如此的與眾不同。

Here are 10 reasons whyparentsshould sometimes treat their kids as adults.

這里有十個原因, 為什么父母有時應(yīng)該把孩子當(dāng)作成年人看待。

1. Your kidswillhave a better understanding of boundaries.

你的孩子會更好地理解界限。
The phrase “kids willbekids” isoftenused as a justification for misbehavior. For example, a childpushesin front of the line to get to the playground slide andsomeonecomments, “kidswill bekids.”As much as young children’sbrainsare developing, they still have the ability to learn whatisappropriate and inappropriate behavior.

"孩子將是孩子" 這一短語經(jīng)常被用作不當(dāng)行為的理由。例如, 一個孩子在前面的線上推到操場上的幻燈片和別人的評論,"孩子將是孩子"。與幼兒的大腦發(fā)育一樣, 他們?nèi)匀挥心芰W(xué)習(xí)什么是適當(dāng)和不恰當(dāng)?shù)男袨椤?/p>

If we, as parents,believethat “John needs to realizethatit is not okay to push in front oftheline,” thenchancesare, our child will start to understand this too.It’sabout setting boundaries and teaching themetiquette rules that willbe useful for the rest of theirlife.

如果我們作為父母, 相信 "約翰需要認(rèn)識到, 在前線推進(jìn)不是好的," 那么有機會, 我們的孩子也會開始理解這一點。這是關(guān)于設(shè)置界限和教導(dǎo)他們的禮儀規(guī)則, 將對他們的余生有用。

2. Your kidswillbetter understand responsibility.
你的孩子會更好地理解責(zé)任。

Childrenshouldn’tgrow up stress-ridden, butthey need to learn the basics of beingresponsible. For example, asadults, we might have children or petsto look after. We havehousework to do. We have food to cook. If welet our children helpwith some of these activities, they willlearn that responsibilitiesare a part of life. If you encourageyour child to make their bedevery day, to help wash up afterdinner, to feed the pet goldfish,then you are teaching them thatsuccess happens when people worktogether.

孩子們不該長大, 但他們需要學(xué)習(xí)負(fù)責(zé)任的基本知識。例如, 作為成年人, 我們可能有孩子或?qū)櫸镎湛?。我們有家?wù)要做。我們有食物要做飯。如果我們讓我們的孩子幫助一些這些活動, 他們會知道責(zé)任是生活的一部分。如果你鼓勵你的孩子每天鋪床, 晚飯后幫忙洗碗, 喂寵物金魚, 那么你就在教他們, 當(dāng)人們一起工作時, 成功就會發(fā)生。

3. Your kidsmightdo more than what is expected of them.
你的孩子可能做的比他們期望的多。

For many of us,beingtold “Oh,youwouldn’tunderstand” wouldleaveus feeling quite hurt, offended, or angry. For children,theirreaction would probably be similar. But If you challengeyourchildren and give them the opportunity to prove themselves,thenyou’re basicallytellingthem, “I believein you.I think you’recapable.”Ifyou’re anxious about yourchild doing the dishes andnever ask them to, thenyou’re depriving yourself andthem of the chance toprove that they can. But if you give themthat chance, they mighteven start doing extra housework you neverasked them todo.

對我們中的大多數(shù)人來說, 被告知"噢, 你不會明白" 會讓我們感到很傷心、冒犯或生氣。對孩子來說, 他們的反應(yīng)可能是相似的。但是如果你挑戰(zhàn)你的孩子, 讓他們有機會證明自己, 那么你基本上是在告訴他們,"我相信你。我想你是能干的。如果你擔(dān)心你的孩子做菜, 從不要求他們, 那么你就剝奪了自己和他們的機會, 證明他們可以。但如果你給他們機會, 他們甚至可能開始做額外的家務(wù), 你從來沒有要求他們做。

4. Your kidswillappreciate the value of being kindandconsiderate.
你的孩子會欣賞善良和體貼的價值。

Teaching your children empathyisone of the most important skills you can pass on. In a worldwherecompetition and power can often override caring about others,it isessential to focus our parenting on kindness. Rather thanlookingat our kids and thinking,“They’retooyoung to understand how otherpeoplefeel,” teachthemto know how others are feeling. If your young child hearsanotherchild crying, make a comment,“Aww, that girlis crying.She must be feeling sad. I hope sheisokay.” Inadditionto this, acknowledge and validate your ownchild’sfeelings.

教導(dǎo)你的孩子移情是你可以通過的最重要的技能之一。在一個競爭和權(quán)力往往會凌駕于他人的世界之上, 我們的養(yǎng)育子女必須專注于仁慈。而不是看著我們的孩子和思考,"他們太年輕, 不能理解別人的感受," 教導(dǎo)他們知道別人是怎樣的感覺。如果你的孩子聽到另一個孩子在哭泣, 就做一個評論,"噢, 那個女孩在哭泣。她一定感到難過。我希望她沒事。除此之外, 承認(rèn)并驗證你自己孩子的感情。

5. Your kidswillfind it easier to believe in themselves.
你的孩子會發(fā)現(xiàn)自己更容易相信。

If you, the parent, believe inyourchild, then chances are they will believe in themselves too.Asadults, we know that life is filled with ups and downs. We knowthatsometimes there are setbacks that leave us struggling to getbackup. If you encourage your child and value who they are, theyarevery likely to feel the same about themselves. They willfeelconfident about who they are and use that confidence to getthemthrough life.

如果你, 父母, 相信你的孩子, 那么有機會他們也會相信自己。作為成年人, 我們知道生活充滿了跌宕起伏。我們知道有時會有挫折, 讓我們努力恢復(fù)。如果你鼓勵你的孩子和珍惜他們是誰, 他們很可能會對自己感到同樣的感覺。他們會對自己是誰, 并利用這種自信來度過一生。

6. Your kidswillbecome stronger and more resilient.
你的孩子會變得更強壯, 更有韌性。

We parents often depend on whatwebelieve parenting should be. For some, being a parent issimplyabout protecting their child. For others,it’sabout preparing theirchild for the future. Striking a balancebetween the two isprobably more ideal. Rather than trying toprotect your childrenfrom all pain and suffering, do your best tohelp them cope withany future pain and suffering. If theydon’t win aprize in pass-the-parcel,don’t be in a hurry to tellthe parents to find one foryour child. Let them learn how to dealwith pain. Let them prove tothemselves that they are strong andcan cope with disappointment. Asan adult, this resilience willhelp them immensely in all areas oftheir life.

我們父母常常依賴于我們認(rèn)為養(yǎng)育子女的方式。對一些人來說, 作為父母只是為了保護他們的孩子。對其他人來說, 這是為他們的孩子準(zhǔn)備未來。在兩者之間取得平衡可能更理想。與其試圖保護你的孩子免于痛苦和痛苦, 不如盡力幫助他們應(yīng)對未來的痛苦和苦難。如果他們沒有在 pass-the-parcel 獲得獎品, 不要急于告訴父母為你的孩子找一個。讓他們學(xué)會如何處理疼痛。讓他們向自己證明他們是堅強的, 并且能應(yīng)付失望。作為一個成年人, 這種韌性將在他們生活的所有領(lǐng)域中極大地幫助他們。

7. Your kidswillunderstand that you can’t always get whatyouwant.
你的孩子會明白你不能總是得到你想要的。

If you’re walking throughthesupermarket with your young child andthey’rescreaming for a chocolate bar,don’t feel pressuredinto buying it for them. Asdifficult as it is to resist thetemptation to keep them quiet, youneed to believe that your childis capable of calming down withoutit. Your child will learn tobetter self-regulate their emotions andstart to realize that youcan’t always get what youwant inlife.

如果你和你的孩子一起穿過超市, 他們在尖叫著一個巧克力棒, 就不要為他們買了。像是抵制誘惑,讓他們安靜, 你需要相信你的孩子能夠平靜下來, 沒有它。你的孩子會學(xué)會更好地自律自己的情緒,并開始意識到你不能總是得到你想要的生活。

8. Your kidswilllearn how valuable it can be to share experienceswithothers.
你的孩子會學(xué)習(xí)與他人分享經(jīng)驗的價值。

You might see fathers work ontheircars with their kids. You might see mothers cooking withtheirchildren. You might see either mother or father sharingtheirhobbies and interests with their youngchildren.Doing “things thatadultsdo” withyourchild helps them realize that life isn’t aboutbeing onyour own—it’s about experiencingthejourney of life with other people. This is an important lessontoteach your child because surrounding themselves with asupportivenetwork of people will help them get through thechallenges of life.They will have people to count on, people theycan trust, people whomake their lives better.

你可能會看到父親和他們的孩子一起在他們的車上工作。你可能會看到母親們在做飯。你可能會看到母親或父親與年幼的孩子分享他們的愛好和興趣。做 "大人做的事情", 你的孩子幫助他們意識到生活并不在于你自己, 而是與別人一起體驗人生的旅程。這是一個重要的教訓(xùn), 教導(dǎo)你的孩子, 因為周圍的人的支持網(wǎng)絡(luò)將幫助他們渡過難關(guān)的生活。他們會有人指望, 他們可以信賴的人, 使他們的生活更好的人。

9. Your kidswillreally feel that they matter.
你的孩子真的會覺得他們很重要。

When we sometimes look at ourkidsas adults, they are more likely to feel that they are justlikeeveryone else. Their age doesn’t mean thattheydon’t matter. Their thoughts and opinions are notanyless important or valid. Let your child voice their thoughtsoncontroversial topics. Let them express the individual that theyarewithout censoring them completely. By seeing your child forwhothey are, rather than what you want them to be,you’rereminding them that theymatter.

當(dāng)我們有時把我們的孩子看作成年人時, 他們更有可能覺得自己和其他人一樣。他們的年齡并不意味著他們無關(guān)緊要。他們的想法和意見并不重要或有效。讓你的孩子在有爭議的話題上表達(dá)他們的想法。讓他們表達(dá)個人, 他們是沒有徹底審查他們。通過看到你的孩子是誰, 而不是你想要的, 你提醒他們, 他們是重要的。

10. Your kidswillgrow up believing they really can makeadifference.
你的孩子會長大, 相信他們真的能有所作為。你的孩子會長大, 相信他們真的能有所作為。

Most parents want to raisechildrenwho grow up being happy and successful. Theydon’twant much for them, asidefrom knowing that they are living a lifethat makes them happy andthat they are utilizing their talents.When your kids tell you whatthey want to be when they grow up,don’t dismiss them.Don’t laugh.Encourage them and theirdreams—even if those dreamsare likely to change manytimes in a year. When you treat yourchildren like adults, theirthirst for knowledge increases. Theymight just understand andbelieve you when you say that they reallycan make a difference.That they are not just one person in thisworld. They are actuallyone person who has the potential to changetheworld.

大多數(shù)父母想撫養(yǎng)長大的孩子, 他們快樂和成功。他們不需要太多的東西, 除了知道他們的生活使他們快樂, 他們正在利用他們的才華。當(dāng)你的孩子告訴你他們長大后想做什么時, 不要解雇他們。不要笑。鼓勵他們和他們的夢想--即使那些夢想在一年里有可能改變很多次。當(dāng)你像大人一樣對待孩子時, 他們渴求知識的欲望會增加。當(dāng)你說他們真的能有所作為時, 他們可能會理解并相信你。他們不僅僅是這個世界上的一個人。實際上, 他們是一個有可能改變世界的人。