#EachforEqualJD tells the story of her grandmother on her father's side
#每個人的平等 #EachforEqual JD的等號手勢 JD in hands-out equal pose JD分享的故事中的英文和中文以及照片均由她本人提供。依據(jù)完整讀完故事的設(shè)定這次中英文分開放，以免讀的時候感覺不連貫。作為這項活動的發(fā)起者陶理（本名：繆鑫，英文名：Hermione，陶理是筆名）在征得JD同意的基礎(chǔ)上，對段落布局做了符合手機(jī)閱讀的排版，最后也附上了個人評論。The story in English and Chinese as well as the photo drawings are all provided by JD and this time English comes first and then the Chinese to ensure you have a full story reading at one time. The paragraphs are edited to be better for your reading via phone. It ends with Hermione's comment. International Women’s Day 2020 #EachForEqual Article: JD When I first encountered this topic, my mind naturally did a quick scan of many strong and independent women I know of. There was a schoolmate who gave up her career in China but managed to build another one in the UK in a short span of time; there was a friend who finally called it a day with her bullying boss and carved out her own entrepreneurial path; there was a supervisor who had always kept honest and humble to her academic interests through difficult times and now enjoys an enviable balance between career and family… In them I saw courage behind the vulnerabilities, competence behind the compromises, and persistence behind the humility. I believe many modern women share these qualities nowadays. Regardless of gender, we each have our own weaknesses to overcome and challenging decisions to make as human beings. But the truth is that women innately are just as able as men to be tough, to be wise, to survive and to conquer, to lead and to succeed. However, something held me back from writing about these modern women I know of, not because they are not representative enough, and not least because their cases are not eloquent enough in their own way. I just felt that on a topic so close to my heart, one that talks about female empowerment and gender equality, I should write about a woman equally close to my heart. And the person I keep thinking of is my grandmother. My grandmother is no modern woman. In fact, she is far from this concept. In the 1930s, my grandmother married into my grandfather’s family in a mountainous village in southern China at the age of four. She was a child wife and was 'incorporated’ into my grandfather’s family as an additional farming labour from an even more remote village. She was raised in the new family as the future wife of my grandfather, but she never received any education and she has been illiterate. She worked as a farmer all her life together with the rest of the family, and has had six children, my father included. I cannot imagine how tough life could get during the old days of the Great Leap Forward and the Great Famine in the isolated rural areas, having had to work extremely hard physically in the rice fields, gone through so many child births and raised all her children on so little food, and kept a rural household on very limited livelihoods. In the era where survival meant everything and material life was whether one could mix some grains of rice into the sweet potato porridge as a family meal, it seems that the capacity of her role as a woman will not lend much of an angle to discuss feminism in a positive light. She was a child wife who could not make the decision for herself; she was deprived of education and means to information; she was a teenage mother who probably parented her children on the mere grounds of bringing them up alive; she had no choice but to work really hard as a farmer from her childhood right into her 70s. But it was clear to me that my grandmother was strong and resilient to have gone through the hardship of poverty and deprivation without being defeated by life. Then people’s life took a turn as the country took a turn. Time came when my grandmother’s children - my father, my uncles and aunts started working in cities. In the earlier stage, most of my father’s generation in the village remained as farmers while very few were able to make to college and vocational schools in cities before they ended up working for state-owned enterprises and government bodies. Later on, a lot of the farming labour also left the village and became migrant workers in the factories of coastal cities, all happening as China’s socioeconomic structure underwent huge transformation. My grandmother was very busy during this time as she started to have grandchildren - grandchildren whose parents were both working, either in the rice fields of the village or in the office buildings of different cities. All of her children wanted her support in child care (me included). She came to take care of me for a couple of times, each time staying with us for a few months during my nursery years and early primary school years. For quite a few years around that time she has been shuffling among cities in different provinces and then back and forth to the village, living with different families that her children went on to build each on their own, and getting adapted to different environment, communities, and characters. My memories of spending time with my grandmother has always been heart-warming ones. She is a very loving and caring lady, all the while being so competent with housework and willing to go along with my parents’ style of living and parenting. She took great care of me in place of my parents when they are at work and she also took care of my parents as their mother. From a young age I’ve known that my grandmother is illiterate, and with a simple assumption that she must have been curious about school, I liked talking to her about what I had learned in classes. I would read the essays from my Chinese textbook to her, thinking this could make up for the school time she missed. She had mixed excitement and uncertainty, and she would say in awe that “you already know this many characters?”. When I started taking English lessons after school and reciting “This is an apple. That is a pear”, she came over and looked at my book with great sense of novelty, and then with somewhat a sadness of loss, said “I can’t even recognize Chinese characters, and here you are learning a new language!”. But I know her deep reverence on education was decisively shown by her fixation on my homework: how I must finish it on time, how I must remember to take it with me to school, and how I must ask my teachers how I did. She might have wondered, for herself, how she would have done if she had had the chance. At times my grandmother got lonely living in the city and missed the farming work in the village. To fill the restful afternoon time she would tell me all kings of village tales from when she was young, how she married into the family as a child wife, how she struggled to find her bearings in the big family, but mostly how hard she had to work in the fields. I was too young to tell what had gone through her mind as she reflected her past stories to me. But one thing I am sure now is that she told those stories without any judgment on life or on herself or had any standpoint to pass on to me - funnily I’ve always regarded these to be the defining qualities of great educators. There was once, when I was in middle school and I went back to the village for Chinese New Year, that I really understood my grandmother and her life as a farmer for the first time. We walked in the winter sun from our cottage to the ridge of the rice fields. I was looking at the different patches of land, some had been prepared for spring seeding, some still left to rest during slack season, and I asked my grandmother casually, “Grandma, how do you grow rice over the year?”. It was a student-ish question, and I asked purely out of curiosity. What my grandmother said next astonished me. It was an unbelievably thorough account of a 12-month agricultural activity log with all the details: what to do, how to do, what problems to look out for, how to trouble-shoot accordingly, how to plan and prioritize, and how to use your headcount. She did not treat this question with any pondering or hesitation, as if the technical complexity and the broadness of the topic did not exist at all. She started in spring: how to prep the soil, how to sow, how to look after the seedling, what common problems to happen to the seedling, and the risks with the weather… to summer: how to do fertilizers and pesticides, how to rush-harvest and rush-plant in July, how important weather is when sunning the grains; then the autumn second batch of sowing and harvest; and then in winter soil rest and prep again. A lively picture of rural life and work scrolled open in front of my eyes. I listened to her coherent and vivid explanation for about 20 minutes, and I felt I’ve never listened to a better class, nor have I ever seen her in this capacity. She spoke with such clarity and precision, and I witnessed her articulation in a totally new light. Her stride of confidence as an experienced farmer inspired me – a young student at the time – to recognize what 'expertise’ really meant no matter what role education had to play in it. Life itself builds and shapes one’s expertise. I live in a different country now, very far away from the rice fields and far away from my grandmother. Every time I drove past the vast wheat fields on the motor way, or hiked through some farming land, or even did gardening in my own yard, I would think of that lovely rice-growing account given by my grandmother in her most comfortable skin. She is 90 this year and I would go back to see her every year while I’ve been living abroad. Every time she had to complain to me about me being too far away, or how the family had stopped her from doing farming work. Few years ago she alone prepped a small plot of land behind my grandfather’s tomb and started growing peanuts on it. She said, “I’ve always wanted to grow peanuts here but your granddad didn’t think it would have a good yield. Now I’m going ahead with my plan and he would see my outputs.” She had had some good harvest and happily shared her results of labour with everyone. But then my cousins got worried about her hypertension and then she subsequently stopped. Sometimes she would make some remarks about me being in my 30s and still unmarried, but then she would laugh and say, “But I know you will always make your own mind up and make things good. After all you are strong-willed and naughty since young.” My grandmother was just my loving grandmother when I was young, but I grew up to increasingly recognize her as a special character. The story I share about her – a traditional Chinese old lady who belongs to generations before us, who lived her life on land as a farmer, who couldn’t choose her education or her marriage – is not about compare and contrast of our lives. I grew up in cities in comfortable surroundings; attended excellent schools and could pursue post-graduate studies in a foreign country; I could choose my partner and choose my marriage. I had the choices and I had the capabilities to choose. I’m much more fortunate than my grandmother, yet I’m still hugely inspired by her and I admire her deeply. As a women having lived with many deprivations, she demonstrated great strength, resilience and wisdom in the stark stare of life, and I often think that I wouldn’t be here without her being herself. Though life has treated her with harshness and unfairness, she still shares her care and kindness to others, still has the warm heart that acknowledges me to be different and recognizes me as who I am. I will never forget what I have today, what we modern women have nowadays, are derived from but cannot mask the sufferings, sacrifices, and compromises made by the women in the past. Women have always been strong, resilient and wise in our own ways in history chapters and under different social institutions. We must not forget that the support we offer each other will drive us closer to what we aim to achieve, and the love we have for each other will allow us to progress no matter what different paths we are on. 當(dāng)我初遇這個主題，我的腦海中自然地閃現(xiàn)過那些我所認(rèn)識的堅強(qiáng)而又獨(dú)立的女性： 有一位放棄了國內(nèi)的事業(yè)來到英國的同學(xué)，短時間內(nèi)再次找到了她的領(lǐng)域； 有一位好友終于鼓起勇氣離開壓榨她多年的老板，自己獨(dú)立開創(chuàng)新的商途； 有一位導(dǎo)師在她的學(xué)術(shù)領(lǐng)域虛心自得地耕耘多年，享受著事業(yè)和家庭令人羨艷的平衡豐收… 在她們的身上我看到的是柔弱背后的勇氣，妥協(xié)背后的能耐，和謙遜背后的堅持。 不論性別，做為人，我們都有自己需要克服的弱點(diǎn)和必須作出的艱難抉擇。 然而事實是，女人天生就跟男人一樣堅韌、睿智，有能力去生存和征服、去領(lǐng)導(dǎo)和成功。 然而總有些什么讓我猶豫去寫這些成功的摩登新女性，不是因為她們代表性不夠，更不是因為她們的故事沒有足夠的意義和分量。 我只是覺得在一個深得我心、探討女性賦權(quán)和性別平等的主題上，我應(yīng)該去寫一個跟我距離更近一點(diǎn)的女人。 而我一直在想的一個人是我奶奶。 我奶奶可不是什么現(xiàn)代女性。 實際上她跟這個理念的距離很遠(yuǎn)。 早在30年代的南方偏遠(yuǎn)山村，年僅四歲的奶奶就嫁到我爺爺家中。對那時候的農(nóng)村來說她是個童養(yǎng)媳，也是這個家庭從更偏遠(yuǎn)的山區(qū)招募來的勞動力。 雖然作為未來的兒媳被養(yǎng)大，奶奶從未接受過教育，一輩子都不識字。 她和全家人一樣是個農(nóng)民，生養(yǎng)了六個子女，大半輩子都在農(nóng)地里的艱辛勞作中度過。 我無法想像在大躍進(jìn)和饑荒歲月中的閉塞農(nóng)村里，她吃了多少苦受了多少罪，既要負(fù)擔(dān)繁重的農(nóng)活，還要用不足的生計和短缺的糧食生育養(yǎng)活這么多子女。 在那個生存即是一切的年代，一個物質(zhì)生活的全部概念就是能不能在紅薯粥里多摻一些米的歲月，奶奶作為一個女人的身份看似不足以拿來從正面的視角探討女權(quán)主義。 她是個無法為自己做決定的童養(yǎng)媳，被剝奪了受教育的權(quán)利和獲得信息指引的途徑，她是個可能只想過把孩子養(yǎng)活而已的未成年媽媽，她毫無選擇地從孩童時期一直到晚年都以一個農(nóng)民的身份勞作和生活。 但是對我來說明確的一點(diǎn)是，奶奶從貧窮和困頓中堅強(qiáng)地走了過來，她沒有被生活打敗。 接著，人民的命運(yùn)跟著國家的命運(yùn)一起發(fā)生了轉(zhuǎn)變。 在新時代，我奶奶的子女，我爸爸包括在內(nèi)，都到了城市里工作。 在早期，農(nóng)村里我父輩里的大多數(shù)人都還是農(nóng)民，只有少數(shù)能通過逐漸恢復(fù)的教育和高考走進(jìn)城里的大學(xué)和職業(yè)學(xué)校，從而開始在國企、政府和事業(yè)單位工作。 到后來，隨著中國社會經(jīng)濟(jì)的轉(zhuǎn)型改革，農(nóng)村里的很多勞動力都離開了鄉(xiāng)下輾轉(zhuǎn)到沿海城市的工廠里謀生，成了后面所知的農(nóng)民工。 我奶奶在那一段時間挺忙的，因為她開始有孫輩了。而她的子女們不管是在城里還是在鄉(xiāng)下，因為夫妻雙方都需要全職工作，于是都希望她能幫忙看管孩子。我也包含在其中。 奶奶來帶過我好幾次，大概是在幼兒園和小學(xué)初期，每次都和我們住上大半年。 那幾年間她輾轉(zhuǎn)于幾個不同省市，來回于城里鄉(xiāng)下，跟隨她不同的子女們自己建立的新家庭一起生活，適應(yīng)著不同的環(huán)境和社區(qū)，習(xí)慣著不同的風(fēng)俗人格。 我記憶中跟奶奶一起生活的時光非常溫暖。 她是一個充滿愛心和關(guān)懷的老太太，對家務(wù)很能干，對于我父母那一輩的生活習(xí)慣和教育方式也很配合。 她在我父母事業(yè)忙碌而無暇顧及的間隙里把我照顧得很好，同時她作為母親也照顧著他們。 從很小的時候起我就知道奶奶不識字，我單純地假設(shè)她一定對學(xué)校感到好奇，于是我常常告訴她我在課堂里學(xué)了什么，念課文給她聽，我覺得這樣就能彌補(bǔ)她錯失的校園時光。 有時她既有些興奮又有些無措地感嘆：“你已經(jīng)認(rèn)識這么多字啦？” 我在課外報了英語興趣班，在家背“This is an apple. That is a pear.”的時候她會過來新奇地看著我的課本，然后又好像悵然若失地說“奶奶一個大字不識，你都學(xué)外語了呢！”。 但是她對教育這件事最深的敬畏體現(xiàn)在她對于家庭作業(yè)的執(zhí)著。 她常教我要按時寫作業(yè)，常提醒我記著帶好作業(yè)本，還叫我一定要問老師我作業(yè)做得如何。 我想她也許幻想過，要是她有機(jī)會，她會做得怎么樣？ 有時候我覺得奶奶會對城里的生活感到寂寞，她會想念在農(nóng)村田里的時光。 在悠閑懶散的下午她會說給我聽一些村里的老故事，她是怎么嫁到這個家當(dāng)童養(yǎng)媳的，她怎么在原不屬于自己的家尋找方向，但更多的還是地里的農(nóng)活是多么苦多么累。 我當(dāng)時太小，不知道她跟我重敘她過去的日子的時候，腦海里都想了些什么。 但有一點(diǎn)我是確定的，她對這些事和她自己是沒有鑒定的，她也沒有傳遞給我任何的立場和做派——有趣的是我一直把這兩點(diǎn)視為出色教育者的決定性品質(zhì)。 有一次過年回老家山村，那是我第一次認(rèn)識到奶奶作為農(nóng)民的身份。 我們在冬日的陽光里走到田埂邊上，我看著一塊塊的田地，有的已經(jīng)為了春種翻犁好了，有的還在農(nóng)歇。 我漫不經(jīng)心但又確實好奇地問她：“奶奶，大米到底是怎么種出來的呀？” 她接下來說的話讓我很震驚。 那是一場一年十二個月全面的農(nóng)務(wù)報告，里面的細(xì)節(jié)難以置信：要做什么，該怎么做，會有哪些問題，怎么解決問題，如何計劃和優(yōu)先，如何利用人手。 奶奶沒有任何的沉思和猶豫，就好像這個問題里包含的復(fù)雜技術(shù)和廣泛涵蓋都不存在。 她從春天開始，以冬天結(jié)束，講述了稻谷從春天翻地、播種、扶苗，夏天施肥、殺蟲、雙搶，早秋曬谷、晚秋收成，臘月地閑時的農(nóng)活，等等，一系列農(nóng)村生活和勞作的畫卷就在眼前展開。 我聽著她流暢生動的講解足足20多分鐘，當(dāng)時覺得從沒有聽過這么好的課，也從沒有看過她這樣的表達(dá)姿態(tài)。 她的說辭非同一般的明晰和準(zhǔn)確，我在她的表述中重新認(rèn)識了她，一個經(jīng)年老農(nóng)所具有的自信與闊步； 也啟發(fā)了我作為一個年少學(xué)生對于“專長”的認(rèn)識，不論所受教育在其中的分量，生活本身塑造一個人的專長。 我現(xiàn)在生活在一個不同的國家，距離我老家的田野和我的奶奶很遠(yuǎn)。 每一次當(dāng)我在高速公路開車經(jīng)過大片搖曳的麥田，或者在鄉(xiāng)間遠(yuǎn)足走過寧靜的田園景象，抑或是在自己的院子里做園藝活，我總會想起那段和我奶奶在田埂上愉快的對話，那時候的她似乎是存在于自己最熨帖的身份里。 奶奶今年90歲，在我海外生活的每一年我都回家看她。 每一次她都會抱怨說我離得太遠(yuǎn)了，或者是家人不準(zhǔn)她繼續(xù)下地干活，她覺得有些無趣。 幾年前，她一個人在我爺爺?shù)哪沟乇澈箝_墾了一小塊地，并種起了花生。 她說：“我一直想在這里種花生的，可是你爺爺不讓，說不會有什么收成的?，F(xiàn)在我可以種了，收成也擺在他面前了?！?/span> 她豐收過好幾次，還開心地分給大家享受她的勞動成果，可后來我的表親們擔(dān)心她的高血壓，于是就不了了之了。 有時候她也對我說，擔(dān)心我30多了還沒結(jié)婚，但過了一會她又會笑著說：“你反正自己已經(jīng)想好了，你自己管好自己，我知道你小時候起就不聽話，勸不住?！?/span> 在我小時候，我奶奶就是愛我的奶奶，然而我越成長越覺得她是一個特別的人物。 我分享這些關(guān)于她的故事——一個來自過去好幾輩的老太太，一個生活在土地上的農(nóng)民，一個無法選擇她的教育和婚姻的女人——并不是來與我們現(xiàn)在的生活去比較對照。 我在城市里舒適的環(huán)境中長大，上的都是出色的學(xué)校還能到海外繼續(xù)求學(xué)，我能自由選擇我的伴侶和婚姻。 我不僅有選擇，還有能力去選。 我比我奶奶幸運(yùn)多了，但我仍然被她鼓舞，對她感到深刻的崇敬。 對一個從多重貧困和缺失中一路走來的人，她在生活最冷酷的耽視下展現(xiàn)的是她的力量、韌性和智慧，而我總認(rèn)為沒有她的這些品質(zhì)就不會有我此刻的存在。 生活曾經(jīng)對她嚴(yán)酷不公，可她依然欣然地分享她的關(guān)愛和善良，依然有一顆承允我的不同、認(rèn)可我的個性的溫暖的心。 我永遠(yuǎn)不會忘記作為一個女人我今天所有的一切，我們現(xiàn)代女性當(dāng)今享有的，蘊(yùn)含著但卻無法掩蓋的是過去的女性所有的忍耐、付出、與犧牲。 女人不論在歷史哪一個章節(jié)，不論在怎樣的社會制度下，一如既往地?fù)碛兄覀儶?dú)特的堅強(qiáng)和聰慧。 我們不要忘記，我們對彼此的支持推動著我們向目標(biāo)邁進(jìn)，而我們對彼此的愛讓我們接納各自的成長與進(jìn)步，不論我們正走在怎樣不同的道路上。 陶理看完這段的感受： JD、Liao和我是在2018年一門叫做講故事的課里遇到的，不用我多說，她們倆都非常會講故事。 我常常覺得備受推崇的當(dāng)代女性品質(zhì)不是局限于我們現(xiàn)在這個時代，也不囿于學(xué)歷高低，本質(zhì)是在于對于自己生活的負(fù)責(zé)。這個負(fù)責(zé)可以是在鄉(xiāng)間田野，也可以是在象牙塔中，也可以是其他任何地方。 這兩周很厚臉皮地一直騷擾我的朋友們，正是因為我知道她們能成長為如此優(yōu)秀的人，成長過程中一定也見過些閃閃發(fā)光的人兒。趁著國際女性日的主題是#每個人的平等，我也很希望一些甚少被人講述的故事可以得到機(jī)會呈現(xiàn)，而不是只有大人物才被記述。 我們不忘記她有一種方式，就是讓她身上的美好品質(zhì)也逐漸成為你身上的閃光點(diǎn)。 Hermione's feelings:JD、Liao and I first met each other at a course called storytelling skills in 2018, no need to say, they are both great storytellers. I always think the qualities we value in modern woman are not just our generation in this time and age, education does not make the significant difference, the nature is to be responsible for your life. Your responsbility can be either in the rural fields or in academic fields, or somewhere else. Having been shameless to bother my friends for weeks, as I know there must be someone who inspires them to become such excellent human beings. It is timely that this years' IWD is #EachforEqual. I also hope the unsung story can be presented, not just the big ones. We have one way to not forget her, let the traits we see on her gradually become the sparkling points people can see on you. #每個人的平等 同主題更多中英雙語推送：See more post in #EachforEqual (all in both English and Chinese）: Luna與科學(xué)的故事 #EachforEqual 【In English and Chinese 英中雙語】 加蔥反思周末對談 #EachforEqual 【中英雙語 In Chinese and English】 Rock談她的奶奶 #EachforEqual 【中英雙語 In Chinese and English】 Cedric談他的老師與母親 #EachforEqual 【In English and Chinese 英中雙語】 三又木分享看過的電影與遇見的人 #EachforEqual Sissi講媽媽不只是媽媽 #EachforEqual 美嘍講她的外婆 #EachforEqual Andi講她的媽媽 #EachforEqual Douglas的自白 #EachforEqual Liao講她的房東 #EachforEqual 【征集】2020國際女性日的主題是每個人的平等 #EachforEqual
