作者：Libby Copeland
譯者：趙萌萌&王津雨
校對：伍豪
編輯：趙萌萌
In a world that is growing more divided and atomized, it may be guilt—not empathy—that can bring people together.
在這個愈發(fā)分裂的世界，把人們團結在一起的也許并非共情，而是內(nèi)疚感。
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A few years ago, researchers in Germany set out to plumb the moral consciences of small children. They invited a series of 2- and 3-year-olds to play with a marble track in a lab. Close to the track—inauspiciously close—was a block tower that one of the adult experimenters claimed to have painstakingly constructed. Just before turning her back, she asked them not to damage it.
幾年前，德國研究人員對孩子的道德良知進行了研究。他們找了一些兩到三歲的小孩子，讓他們在實驗室玩彈珠軌道，在軌道近旁——近到有點不妙——還搭著積木塔。一位實驗員還稱，這個塔是她費了好大勁才搭好的，叫孩子們不要弄塌，說罷就轉過身去了。
plumb /pl?m/ n. understand (sth) thoroughly 探索，探究（某事物）
inauspicious /??n???sp???s/ adj. seeming to show that success in the future is unlikely 不妙的
painstaking /?pe?nz?te?k??/ adj. very careful and thorough 付出很多努力，費勁的
Needless to say, the game was rigged. After a few runs, a marble would knock over part of the tower, at which point the experimenter responded with what the resulting journal article described as a 'mildly sad' tone. 'Oh no,' she would say, then ask what had happened. In some versions of the experiment, the child seemed to be to blame; in others, an adult who was helping with the experiment toppled the tower. The kids' reactions revealed a lot about how social-emotional development progresses during these key years. While many of the 2-year-olds seemed sympathetic to the researcher's plight, the 3-year-olds went beyond sympathy. When they believed that they'd caused the accident, they were more likely than the 2-year-olds to express regret and try to fix the tower. In other words, the 3-year-olds' behavior varied depending on whether they felt responsible.
當然了，這個游戲是經(jīng)過精心設計的。玩過幾輪后就會有一個彈珠飛出來，打掉幾塊積木，這時看到倒塌的積木，實驗員就會發(fā)出幾聲（引述自期刊文章）“略微悲傷”的嘆息聲，“不要啊，”接著，她會問孩子們發(fā)生了什么。在一些實驗里，罪魁禍首看上去是孩子們；而在另一些實驗中，推倒積木塔的是參與實驗的成年人。孩子們各種各樣的反應為研究在這幾年成長關鍵期里，社會情感發(fā)展是如何推進的提供了很多信息。很多兩歲的孩子都會同情實驗員的遭遇，而三歲孩子的表現(xiàn)則要豐富許多。如果他們以為自己推倒了積木塔，相比兩歲孩子，他們更可能感到抱歉，還會試著把積木塔復原。也就是說，三歲孩子采取什么樣的行為取決于他們是否認為是自己碰倒了積木塔。
rig /r?ɡ/ v. manage or control (sth) fraudulently （以欺詐手段）操縱或控制（某事物）
topple /tɑpl/ v. cause (sth) to do this 使（某物）倒下
Their actions, according to Amrisha Vaish, the University of Virginia psychology researcher who led the study, demonstrate 'the beginnings of real guilt and real conscience.' Vaish is one of a number of scholars studying how, when, and why guilt emerges in children. Unlike so-called basic emotions such as sadness, fear, and anger, guilt emerges a little later, in conjunction with a child's growing grasp of social and moral norms. Children aren't born knowing how to say 'I'm sorry'; rather, they learn over time that such statements appease parents and friends—and their own consciences. This is why researchers generally regard so-called moral guilt, in the right amount, to be a good thing: A child who claims responsibility for knocking over a tower and tries to rebuild it is engaging in behavior that's not only reparative but also prosocial.
弗吉尼亞大學的心理學研究人員阿麗莎·瓦什是這次研究的帶頭人。她表示，孩子們的行為證明了“他們開始產(chǎn)生真正的內(nèi)疚感與良知”。她和很多學者一樣，都在研究孩子產(chǎn)生內(nèi)疚感的方式、時機與原因。不像悲傷、恐懼、憤怒這些所謂基本的情感，內(nèi)疚感形成得更晚，與孩子對社會規(guī)則與道德準則的把握程度同步。孩子不是一出生就會說“對不起”的，相反，他們是隨著時間推移，慢慢認識到這種表述既可以安撫父母與朋友，也可以讓自己安心。這就是為什么一般情況下，研究人員會認為有道德內(nèi)疚感總的來說是件好事，只要愧疚感本身能控制在合理的范圍內(nèi)。一個孩子稱是自己推倒了積木塔，還試著重新把積木搭好，這種行為不僅是在補救，還很親社會。
conscience /kɑn??ns/ n. person's awareness of right and wrong with regard to his own thoughts and actions 良心，是非感
appease /?ˋpiz/ v. make (sb/sth) quiet or calm, usu by making concessions or by satisfying demands 使（某人、某事物）安靜或平息（通常為作出讓步或滿足要求）
prosocial: Relating to or denoting behaviour which is positive, helpful, and intended to promote social acceptance and friendship. 親社會的
In the popular imagination, of course, guilt still gets a bad rap. It evokes Freud's ideas and religious hang-ups. More important, guilt is deeply uncomfortable—it's the emotional equivalent of wearing a jacket weighted with stones. Who would inflict it upon a child? Yet this understanding is outdated. 'There has been a kind of revival or a rethinking about what guilt is and what role guilt can serve,' Vaish says, adding that this revival is part of a larger recognition that emotions aren't binary—feelings that may be advantageous in one context may be harmful in another. Jealousy and anger, for example, may have evolved to alert us to important inequalities. Too much happiness (think mania) can be destructive.
當然，在大眾的認知中，內(nèi)疚感還是會蒙受不公的評價。它讓人們想起弗洛伊德觀點中對內(nèi)疚感的描述，以及宗教意義上的苦難。更重要的是，內(nèi)疚感是很不舒服的——就像穿著加了石頭的外套。誰會用這種東西折磨孩子？但這種論調(diào)已經(jīng)過時了?！叭藗冮_始重新審視內(nèi)疚感的本質(zhì)與角色，”瓦什表示。她還補充道，這種轉變的背后，是更多人意識到了情感并不是黑白分明的——一種情感在某種情境下是有益的，但在另一種情境下又可能是有害的。比如嫉妒與憤怒，可能會演變?yōu)榫?，讓我們保持對重大不平等事件的敏感度。太多的快樂情緒（比如狂喜）也可能造成破壞。
Bad rap: unjustified criticism 不公正的評價
Freud’s ideas: 弗洛伊德的人格結構理論（Freud's theory of Personality Structure）
在弗洛伊德的學說中，人格被視為從內(nèi)部控制行為的一種心理機制，這種內(nèi)部心理機制決定著一個人在一切給定情境中的行為特征或行為模式。弗洛伊德認為完整的人格結構由三大部分組成，即本我、自我和超我。
所謂本我，就是本能的我，完全處于潛意識之中。本我是一個混飩的世界,它容納一團雜亂無章、很不穩(wěn)定的、本能性的被壓抑的欲望，隱匿著各種為現(xiàn)代人類社會倫理道德和法律規(guī)范所不容的、未開發(fā)的本能沖動。本我遵循“快樂原則”，它完全不懂什么是價值，什么是善惡和什么是道德，只知道為了滿足自己的需要不惜付出一切代價。
自我是面對現(xiàn)實的我，它是通過后天的學習和環(huán)境的接觸發(fā)展起來的，是意識結構的部分，自我是本我和外界環(huán)境的調(diào)節(jié)者，它奉行現(xiàn)實原則，它既要滿足本我的需要，又要制止違反社會規(guī)范、道德準則和法律的行為。
超我，是道德化了的我，它也是從自我中分化和發(fā)展起來的，它是人在兒童時代對父母道德行為的認同，對社會典范的效仿，是接受文化傳統(tǒng)、價值觀念、社會理想的影響而逐漸形成的。它由道德理想和良心構成，是人格結構中專管道德的司法部門，是一切道德限制的代表，是人類生活較高尚行動的動力，它遵循理想原則，它通過自我典范（即良心和自我理想）確定道德行為的標準，通過良心懲罰違反道德標準的行為，使人產(chǎn)生內(nèi)疚感。
hang-up /?h???p/ n. a feeling of worry or embarrassment about something that you have although there is no real reason to feel this way 苦難
And guilt, by prompting us to think more deeply about our goodness, can encourage humans to atone for errors and fix relationships. Guilt, in other words, can help hold a cooperative species together. It is a kind of social glue.
內(nèi)疚感推動我們更深層地思考人性中善的部分，進而促使人們?nèi)?strong>彌補過錯，修復關系。換句話說，負罪感可以讓一個愿意互相幫助的種族更加緊密，是一種社會黏合劑。
atone /?ˋton/ v. ~ (for sth) act in a way that compensates for a previous wrong, error, etc 補（過），贖（罪）
Viewed in this light, guilt is an opportunity. Work by Tina Malti, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto, suggests that guilt may compensate for an emotional deficiency. In a number of studies, Malti and others have shown that guilt and sympathy (and its close cousin empathy) may represent different pathways to cooperation and sharing. Some kids who are low in sympathy may make up for that shortfall by experiencing more guilt, which can rein in their nastier impulses. And vice versa: High sympathy can substitute for low guilt.
從這個角度看，內(nèi)疚感是一個機會。多倫多大學心理學教授蒂娜·馬爾蒂的研究表明，內(nèi)疚感可以彌補某種情感缺失。通過大量研究，馬爾蒂和其他研究人員證明了內(nèi)疚感與同情（以及與之相似的共情）通過不同方式促進了合作與共享。一些沒那么有同情心的孩子通過體驗更多內(nèi)疚感，彌補了這一情感缺失，還可控制住惡意沖動。反之亦然：富有同情心可以彌補內(nèi)疚感不足。
In a 2014 study, for example, Malti and a colleague looked at 244 children, ages 4, 8, and 12. Using caregiver assessments and the children's self-observations, they rated each child's overall sympathy level and his or her tendency to feel negative emotions (like guilt and sadness) after moral transgressions. Then the kids were handed stickers and chocolate coins, and given a chance to share them with an anonymous child. For the low-sympathy kids, how much they shared appeared to turn on how inclined they were to feel guilty. The guilt-prone ones shared more, even though they hadn't magically become more sympathetic to the other child's deprivation.
舉例來說，2014年，馬爾蒂和同事研究了244個孩子，分布在4歲、8歲，以及12歲這三個年齡段。他們利用看護人評估機制與孩子的自我觀察，給每個孩子的整體同情心水平、做出違反道德的行為后產(chǎn)生負面情緒（比如內(nèi)疚與悲傷）的傾向進行了評級。之后又給孩子們發(fā)了貼紙和硬幣巧克力糖，讓他們和一個不知名的孩子分享。對那些不是很有同情心的孩子來說，他們分享的多少表明了他們的內(nèi)疚感有多少。容易有內(nèi)疚感的孩子分享的更多，雖然他們并沒有奇跡般地對這個什么都沒有的孩子冒出更多同情心。
'That's good news,' Malti says. 'We can be prosocial because of our empathetic proclivity, or because we caused harm and we feel regret.'
“這是個好消息，”馬爾蒂表示，“我們會因為他人著想而親社會，也可以因我們造成破壞、感到悔恨而親社會?！?/span>
proclivity /proˋkl?v?t?/ n. ~ (for/to/towards sth/doing sth) natural inclination to do sth; tendency 傾向性，癖性
Malti describes guilt as a self-directed emotion, elicited when you act in a way that's out of keeping with your conscience. Sympathy and empathy are other-directed. A child who isn't inclined to feel bad for a classmate whose toy car she stole might nevertheless feel uncomfortable with the idea of herself as a thief—and return the toy. Guilt can include sympathy, Malti says, but it doesn't have to. She's agnostic about which of the two paths children take, so long as they treat one another well.
在馬爾蒂看來，內(nèi)疚感是一種由內(nèi)而外的情感，當行為和良知不符時就會產(chǎn)生。同情與共情則是由外而內(nèi)的。一個不會因偷了同學玩具車感到內(nèi)疚的孩子，反而可能會因為覺得自己是個小偷，感到不舒服而物歸原主。馬爾蒂表示，負疚可以包括同情，但不一定包括同情。她不知道孩子們到底是出于同情還是出于內(nèi)疚，只要他們能善待別人就好。
elicit /?ˋl?s?t/ v. ~ sth (from sb) draw (facts, a response, etc) from sb, sometimes with difficulty 從某人處誘出, 探出（事實、反應等）
agnostic /?ɡˋnɑst?k/ adj. holding this belief 不可知論的.
This is a provocative idea at a moment when parents and educators have come to almost fetishize empathy—when a child's ability to put herself in another's shoes seems like the apex of goodness. Parents encourage children to consider how their peers feel when they don't share their toys. Preschool teachers instruct students to consider one another 'friends,' implying that good behavior is predicated on affection. Elementary schools base anti-bullying curricula around altruistic concepts like love and kindness.
前文的觀點在當下會顯得很有爭議，因為現(xiàn)在的家長和教育者們已幾乎完全陷入了對“共情”的盲目崇拜——如果一個孩子能換位思考，似乎就說明她已達到了至高道德水準。父母會鼓勵孩子去考慮：如果不分享玩具給伙伴，他們會是什么感受。幼兒園老師也會告訴學生，要把彼此當作“好朋友”——這即在暗示，彼此間的感情可以塑造良好的行為。小學在設置反霸凌課程時，也是圍繞著愛和仁慈這類無私的理念開展的。
fetishize /'fit??a?z/ v. to be excessively or irrationally devoted to (an object, activity, etc) 盲目癡迷(某物、某活動等)
When it comes to helping kids manage relationships and tamp down aggression, 'schools and programs have almost exclusively focused on empathy promotion,' Malti says. 'I think it's incredibly important to nurture empathy, but I think it's equally important to promote guilt.'
馬爾蒂指出，在幫助孩子學著處理人際關系或壓制攻擊情緒時，“學校和各類教育項目幾乎都只關注共情的培養(yǎng)。在我看來，培養(yǎng)共情固然很重要，但加強內(nèi)疚感的培養(yǎng)也是同等重要的?！?/span>
If you still find the idea of guilting your child unpalatable, keep in mind that we're talking about a very specific kind of guilt. This is not telling your child that her disobedience proves she's unworthy, or describing how painful it was to give birth to her. This is not pressuring your grown son or daughter to hurry up and have babies before you die. In short, this is not your grandmother's guilt-trip.
如果你仍然難以接受“需讓孩子感到內(nèi)疚”這一觀念，請記住，我們在此討論的“內(nèi)疚感”是很特殊的。它不是要你去告訴孩子，不聽話就一無是處；也不是要你去向孩子形容，我生下你有多痛苦；更不是要你去給已成年的子女施壓，讓他們在你死前趕緊生娃。簡言之，這里討論的內(nèi)疚感不是奶奶輩用的那套道德綁架的東西。
You don't want a child to feel bad about who she is (that's called shaming) or responsible for things outside her control (which can give rise to maladaptive or neurotic guilt; see the child who feels guilty for her parents' divorce). Malti points out that a child's age and disposition are also important considerations; some may be temperamentally guilt-prone and require a lighter touch. The point is to encourage both goodness and resilience. We all make mistakes, and ideally we use them to propel ourselves toward better behavior.
你不會想讓孩子對自身的存在感覺糟糕（這叫“羞恥感”），也不會想讓孩子為自己無法掌控的事負責（這會引發(fā)一種“適應不良型內(nèi)疚感”或者“神經(jīng)性內(nèi)疚感”；比如，孩子會把父母離婚怪罪到自己頭上）。馬爾蒂指出，孩子的年齡和性情也是重要考慮因素；有的孩子可能在性情上就容易內(nèi)疚，所以人們需以一種更加友好放松的方式去接觸這類孩子。關鍵在于不僅要鼓勵培養(yǎng)良知，還要提高心理承受力。我們都會犯錯誤，在理想情況下，我們會把這些錯誤利用起來，以塑造更好的行為。
light touch: a friendly, relaxed, or humourous way of doing something. 友好輕松的
Proper guilting connects the dots between your child's actions and an outcome—without suggesting anything is wrong or bad about her—and focuses on how best to repair the harm she's caused. In one fell swoop it inspires both guilt and empathy, or what Martin Hoffman, an emeritus professor at NYU known for his extensive work on empathy, has termed 'empathy-based guilt.' Indeed, you may already be guilting your child (in a healthy way!) without realizing it. As in: 'Look, your brother is crying because you just threw his Beanie Boo in the toilet.' Hopefully, the kid is moved to atone for her behavior, and a parent might help her think through how to do that.
適當?shù)膬?nèi)疚感能把孩子的行為與其結果聯(lián)系起來——而不會暗示是孩子自己出了問題——還能使注意力集中在怎樣才能最有效地補救損害上。這種機制可以一下同時激發(fā)內(nèi)疚感和共情，或是紐約大學名譽教授馬丁·霍夫曼所稱的“基于共情的內(nèi)疚感”，他因?qū)睬榈膹V泛研究而知名。事實上，你可能在不知不覺中就已采取了“讓孩子感到內(nèi)疚”的做法（而且是以一種健康的方式?。?。比如：“看，弟弟在哭呢，因為你剛才把他的Beanie Boo公仔扔進馬桶了。”這么說之后，孩子就很可能會想去彌補自己的行為，父親或者母親也就可以去幫助孩子找出正確的應對辦法。
In one fell swoop 剎那間，一下子
Work by Renee Patrick, a psychology professor at the University of Tampa, shows that it's important for parents to express themselves in a warm and loving way: A parent who seems chastising or rejecting can induce anxiety in a child, and do nothing to encourage healthy behavior. Patrick's work also shows that kids whose parents used a strategy intended to elicit 'empathy-based guilt' during their adolescence tended to see moral concepts like fairness and honesty as more central to their sense of themselves. (A related technique that's been found effective in adolescents involves what Patrick calls 'parental expression of disappointed expectations'—which is as harrowing as it sounds.)
坦帕大學心理學教授蕾妮·帕特里克的研究結果表明，父母以一種溫暖有愛的方式去表達他們的想法是很重要的：如果父母的言行帶有那么點懲罰意味或否定態(tài)度，會引發(fā)孩子的焦慮，也不利于孩子塑造健康行為。研究結果還顯示，如果在孩子的青少年時期，父母采取策略、有意引導孩子產(chǎn)生“基于共情的內(nèi)疚感”，那么孩子通常會把公平、誠實等道德觀念看得比自身感受更為重要。（一個相關方法在青少年教育中也很有效，其中包括帕特里克口中的“父母在孩子沒能達到期望時的表達”——就像聽上去的那樣，這種方法會讓人沮喪。）
Joan Grusec, a psychologist and researcher in parenting and children's development, and a colleague of Malti's at the University of Toronto, says it's important to make the what-you-can-do-about-it part a discussion between parent and child, instead of a sermon. Forcing a child to behave morally may prevent her from internalizing the lesson you're trying to impart. And, she says, such a conversation may work better 'once everybody has simmered down,' rather than in the heat of a dispute. She points to research on what academics call reminiscence, which suggests that discussing a transgression after the fact may better help children understand what they did wrong.
瓊·格魯賽克是一名心理學家，研究父母教育方式和兒童發(fā)展，同時也是馬爾蒂在多倫多大學的同事。她提出，父母與孩子之間開展一場關于“對此你能做些什么”的討論——而不是父母單方的說教——是很重要的。強迫一個孩子行事符合道德規(guī)范，可能會令她無法消化你想教給她的東西。格魯賽克還表示，“只要大家都冷靜下來”，這種談話就會產(chǎn)生更好效果，激烈爭論時進行反而會適得其反。另外，她還提到了一項研究，學界人士將之稱為回憶。該項研究表明，事后討論當時犯的錯誤，可能會更好地幫助孩子理解自己哪里做錯了。
sermon /'s?m?n/ n. a long talk in which someone tries to give you moral advice that you do not want – used to show disapproval 訓誡，說教〔含貶義〕
Of course, knowing when to feel bad and what to do about it are things we could all benefit from. Malti's research may focus on kids, but guilt is a core human emotion—an inevitability for people of every age. And she believes that it has the potential to be especially helpful now, in a world that is growing more divided and atomized.
當然，知道什么時候感到抱歉，以及如何解決問題，對我們大家都有好處。馬爾蒂的研究也許只聚焦在兒童身上，但內(nèi)疚感是人類的核心情感，不管多大年齡的人都會體驗到。而且馬爾蒂相信，在當前這樣一個日益分化和分裂的世界，內(nèi)疚感可能會變得尤其有用。
She argues that guilt may have the ability to bring us together, not despite but because of its focus on the self. The proposition is radical. What if the secret to treating one another better is thinking about ourselves not less, but more?
馬爾蒂認為，內(nèi)疚感之所以能讓我們團結一心，是因為它能讓人們更多關注自我，不再刻意排除自己的感受。這個觀點非常激進。如果善待他人的秘訣不再是處處為他人考慮，而是更多關注自我，那這個世界會發(fā)生怎么樣的改變呢？
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