I was born in the UK, but I think my answer counts as I used to be rather negative about China and being Chinese in general in my early teens. I resented when people asked where I was ‘really’ from. I was born in London, raised in the Midlands and spoke English like a native. (Honestly, my English is way better than my Mandarin, despite it being my second language.) To 11 year old me it felt like being alienated to be asked where I was ‘really’ from, as if I didn’t belong.
I identified as solely British and was always embarrassed when my parents spoke Chinese in a busy public place or heavily accented English, frustrated when I had to write professional emails and translate for them, because in my mind no normal British child had to do that and if I did, then surely I wasn’t normal?
I was a little shit who didn't know to be grateful for what I had.
Thankfully, I grew out of it.
In the UK, generally people know little or nothing about China. Mostly they knew about the poor quality, cheap goods China mass produced in the late 90’s, the ‘Chinglish’ people spoke and communism. Always the communism.
At school during geography classes every question about Asia was directed at me and I was expected to know all the answers. I didn’t. I was eleven, not an expert on the reasoning behind the one-child policy. Everyone, teachers and children directed those questions at me, some reasonable, some not.
What do you think about Opium war/Hong Kong/Taiwan/Communism/the one-child policy?
Why do Chinese people eat dogs/love communism/speak terrible English/pollute so much?
I can understand that they were curious on my perspective, in a school where in total 3 students were Chinese and a borough where although ethnic diversity was high, there was a very small Chinese community, or lack thereof. However I interpreted these questions as negative, as the tone of the question was and in a mainly white school those questions made me stand out and feel alienated.
Even when I answered these questions with an ‘I don’t know’, they would say ‘Oh but you should! You’re Chinese after all! I don’t believe you don’t eat dogs, that’s so mean of you! I could never eat my dog.’
What average 11 year old is that throughly versed on history?! White British students couldn’t give me a blow by blow of the wars of Scottish independence, colonialism, the slave trade? And the latter two were topics we actually studied in class.
So I had no choice but to learn about those topics and later found myself defending my homeland from offhanded negative comments based purely on ignorance, not malice. I learnt more about China’s history and found myself proud of my homeland. The pointed questions never asked about the inventions we were responsible for. The first seismograph, paper, compass. The exploration and mapping of the world, without the genocide Columbus wrought. The questions never touched on the fact that the British forced China to open its markets to opium, that the one-child policy whilst cruel protected the population from more famine and unemployment that would surely lead to an increase in criminal activities. Who wouldn't steal to feed their hungry family?
Imagine leaving China for the first time, after years of being taught about the might and intelligence of the West, like my father was, only to be confronted with ignorant questions like that. It not only infuriates but shatters any preconceived notions you had. He was born during the Communist rule and taught about the power of the Western nations. It isn’t due to propaganda that he is proud of his country, at one point he was ashamed of how far China had fallen since the Silk Road, the golden Tang Dynasty, the power and might of the ancient Chinese Empire. Hell, he still is ashamed. But he was proud of China despite it’s 100 years of humiliation and he is prouder still now China has revived both it’s culture and it’s economic might.
Is he defensive? Yes, but with good cause. 100 years darkness doesn’t blot out 4000 of history.
Nationalistic? Hah! He’s the first to tell you just how much growing up in Communist China was awful and how standards of living rocketed after the death of Mao and the implementation of special economic zones and market capitalism in the nineties. People of his generation and those since in China are jaded. No intelligent person thinks that the CCP is all-beneveloent, kind and doting. Will the CCP bring China power and glory? They’ll certainly try. Do they have the best interest’s of citizen’s in mind? Only if it will further their agenda.
Don’t think that I’m only seeing the good parts, that I was brainwashed by Chinese propaganda. The history books I read, on the Opium war, the cultural revolution etc., were all in English, by English writers. Sure, I’m proud of China but I wouldn’t want to return and live there. I don’t want the deeply and culturally enforced sexism, the homophobia, the xenophobia, the fixation on financial success, the desire for sons, the expectation of procreation, the normalisation of favouring male offspring over female. As a younger sister to an elder brother, that is all too clear to see. The casual disregard for intellectual property rights, religious rights, free speech and territorial land claims.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not proud to be Chinese. That doesn’t mean I’ll defend China for its faults. It has terrible flaws that cannot and must not be defended. It just means I’m proud of aspects of our 4000 years of culture and achievements, and proud to call myself Chinese.
You can be proud to be British and not be proud of colonial times.
And I can be proud to be British Born Chinese.
If you call that nationalism, than more fool you.
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