有沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在工作場合說話總是小心翼翼的？比如，任何批評都用“對不起”開頭？——是時(shí)候停止了。
有沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在工作場合說話總是小心翼翼的？比如，明明是陳述，結(jié)尾的語氣卻是疑問？或者，不管是批評、反饋，還是新的想法，都用“不好意思，但是……”開頭？
是，我也這樣。但是你知道嗎，盡管你老練專業(yè)，但是這種溝通風(fēng)格讓你聽上去并非如此，甚至可能使你在工作中止步不前。
所以，是時(shí)候把你的模棱兩可的說辭丟到一邊，讓我們聽起來更權(quán)威了。以下是我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己時(shí)不時(shí)會犯的一些錯(cuò)誤——以及我學(xué)會控制它們的辦法。
1.問問題（而不是做陳述）
是不是你說的每件事情呢？結(jié)果聽起來呢？都像一個(gè)問題呢？我發(fā)現(xiàn)，當(dāng)我用這種語調(diào)講完一句話時(shí)，它意味著，我不確定我在講什么。我正試圖解讀聽眾的反應(yīng)，看他或者她會不會附和我們談話的走向。如果我得到了否定信號，我的信心就開始消散，然后我就像個(gè)七年級生似的語塞了。
這個(gè)時(shí)候，我就失去了對談話的控制權(quán)了，想要回到正軌繼續(xù)陳述我的論據(jù)就很困難。我找到的解決方法是，確保我能成為自己所說的每一句話的堅(jiān)強(qiáng)后盾。在參加一項(xiàng)重要的會議之前，我會瀏覽一遍支持我的建議的所有原因。然后，需要肯定時(shí)，我會提醒自己使我做出決定的客觀事實(shí)，而不是從隊(duì)友那里尋找肯定（這是另一種形式的自我否定）。另外，我知道，如果有人不同意，我也準(zhǔn)備好了清晰地陳述的我的理由。
2.道歉（盡管不是你的錯(cuò)）
這個(gè)是我從我大學(xué)時(shí)約會過的男生身上學(xué)到的，他恨透了不必要的道歉。當(dāng)然，確實(shí)有只能說“我很抱歉”的時(shí)候——比如你犯了錯(cuò)。但是如果事情不是你的錯(cuò)（不論是有人在人行道上企圖從你旁邊擠過去而踩了你的腳，有同事忘記了你已經(jīng)跟她約好了的會議，還是有客戶不滿意新的市場趨勢），停止道歉吧。你所做的一切只是在承擔(dān)不屬于你的責(zé)任（或指責(zé)）。
依此類推，要批評他人時(shí)，也沒有必要從“很抱歉，但是……”開始。如果你和同事有分歧，或者和下屬有問題，直說無妨。“很抱歉，但是這份報(bào)告不是我想要的”并不會減輕打擊——并且局面會反過來不利于你。直接一點(diǎn)，讓責(zé)任回到該負(fù)責(zé)的人那里去?！斑@份報(bào)告沒有涵蓋我們之前討論的內(nèi)容——你能重寫一遍嗎？”甚至包括如下雞毛蒜皮的小事：“不好意思，你能不能清理一下微波爐里的濺出來的意大利面？”如果沒有前面道歉的前綴，會聽上去好一些。
（題外話：當(dāng)我和那個(gè)大學(xué)男生停止約會時(shí)，我還學(xué)會了一點(diǎn)，分手談話，最好也不要硬說“不是你的原因，都怪我”）
3.羅列利弊（而不是給出你的建議）
最近，我的公司正考慮出一款新產(chǎn)品，我負(fù)責(zé)調(diào)研對手的提案。我工作團(tuán)隊(duì)的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)在做出最后決定前，詢問了我對提案的建議。
盡管我很想通過開發(fā)新產(chǎn)品做個(gè)大案子，我覺得這事兒弄不成——但是我不想成為說“不”的那個(gè)人。所以，我沒有給他打電話，而是給他發(fā)了一封陳述利弊的郵件。
是的，他要利弊對比的清單——但他也要一個(gè)決定。由于我沒有給到他，我破壞了自己的信譽(yù)。當(dāng)然了，誰也不想做帶來壞消息的“壞人”，但是你知道嗎？這是不可避免的。并且有時(shí)候，你的工作就是發(fā)布這個(gè)壞消息。
如果你一貫是在做自己的決定時(shí)讓其他人來打那個(gè)電話，你看上去就像那種謹(jǐn)小慎微的人——不夠聰明，只會跟風(fēng)。下次再讓我提意見，我一定會有一個(gè)明確的答復(fù)！
你是否在工作場合說話小心翼翼、用詞模棱兩可？你學(xué)會克服這種傾向了嗎？
2012 is coming to a wrap! To say good-bye to one seriously great year, we’re counting down to New Year’s with the top 12 articles of 2012. You loved them the first time, so here they are again—we hope you enjoy!
Ever find yourself playing it safe with your language at work? As in—ending statements with question marks in your voice, or prefacing any critique or feedback or new idea you have with “Sorry, but… .”
Yeah, me too. But you know what? This style of communication keeps you from sounding like the seasoned professional you are and might even be what’s preventing you from getting ahead at work.
So it’s time to put aside our wishy-washy words and start sounding authoritative. Here are a few mistakes I find myself making from time to time—and how I’ve learned to keep them in check.
1. Asking Questions (Instead of Making Statements)
Does everything you say? Come out sounding? Like a question? When I find myself ending a sentence at work with that lilt, it means I’m unsure of what I’m saying and trying to read my listener to see if he or she is going to agree with where our conversation is headed. If I’m getting negative signals, any confidence I had starts to fade, and I’m stuck sounding like a seventh grader.
At that point, I’ve lost control of the conversation, and it can be hard to get it back on track to make my argument. The fix, I’ve found, is to make sure I can stand behind everything I’m saying. Before going into an important meeting, I’ll run through all of the reasons why I stand behind my recommendation. Then, instead of looking to a teammate for confirmation (another form of self-undermining), I can remind myself of the facts that led me to my decision. Plus, I know I’m prepared to clearly state my reasoning if someone disagrees.
2. Apologizing (When It’s Not Your Fault)
This one I learned from a guy I dated in college who hated unnecessary apologies. Sure, there are times saying “I’m sorry” is the only appropriate response—like when you make a mistake. But if you’re apologizing for something that’s not your fault (whether it be to the person who stepped on your foot trying to squeeze past you on the subway, the co-worker who forgot the meeting you’d scheduled with her, or the client who isn’t happy with a new market trend), stop. All you’re doing is taking responsibility (and blame) for something that’s not on you.
Along similar lines, there’s no reason to begin criticisms with “I’m sorry, but… .” If you’re having a disagreement with a co-worker or a problem with a subordinate, simply state the issue. “I’m sorry, but this report isn’t what I was looking for” doesn’t soften the blow—and it again turns the situation around on you. Be direct and put the responsibility back where it belongs: “This report doesn’t cover what we had previously discussed—can you revise it?” Even something as small as, “I’m sorry, but could you clean your spaghetti splatter out of the microwave?” sounds better without the prefacing apology.
(Side note: When college guy and I stopped seeing each other, I learned that those end-of-the-relationship conversations go better without the filler of, “It’s not you, it’s me, ” too.)
3. Giving Pros and Cons (Instead of Your Recommendation)
Recently, after I had researched competitors’ offerings of a product my company was considering introducing, the leader of the team I was working with asked what my recommendation to those making the ultimate decision would be.
While I wanted to be able to make a solid case for pursuing a new product, I didn’t see it working out—but I didn’t want to be the one saying no. So instead of making a final call, I emailed him my list of pros and cons.
And yes, he’d asked for that list—but he also wanted a decision. And by not giving him one, I’d undermined my credibility. Sure, no one wants to be the killjoy who brings bad news, but you know what? It happens. And sometimes, it’s actually your job to deliver it.
If you consistently let someone else make the call before making up your own mind, you’ll look like the person who plays it safe, not smart, and simply follows the crowd. Next time I’m asked for a recommendation, I’m going to be sure to have an answer!
Do you play it safe by using wishy-washy language at work? How have you learned to overcome those tendencies?
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