策劃、撰文 / 淼淼、亓井、純純
編輯 / KY主創(chuàng)們
“我逃了，其實(shí)是想回頭看看你還在不在。看到你真的走了之后，我會(huì)很難過，可是也沒有勇氣向你訴說。”
在親密關(guān)系中，恐懼親密也是回避型的人缺乏安全感的典型表現(xiàn)之一。它包含了自我暴露恐懼和依賴恐懼?；蛟S你也有相似的感受，也想弄清楚自己是否有恐懼親密？那你可以試試KY測(cè)評(píng)出品的【恐懼親密測(cè)試】。我們會(huì)測(cè)出你的恐懼親密類型，也會(huì)幫你找到恐懼背后的原因，告訴你該如何應(yīng)對(duì)恐懼親密。
??長按下圖，查看你的恐懼親密類型??
比如，你可以穩(wěn)定、及時(shí)地對(duì)ta們做出情感上的回應(yīng)，答應(yīng)ta們的小事盡量去做到，對(duì)ta們的需求保持敏銳。
你還可以和ta一起準(zhǔn)備一個(gè)「關(guān)系安全手冊(cè)」，試著把戀愛里那些充滿了喜歡和愛的互動(dòng)瞬間記錄下。當(dāng)沖突發(fā)生時(shí)，回避型的人回看這本內(nèi)容，能有助于ta喚醒對(duì)關(guān)系的積極感知，提醒ta，你們依然相愛著。
最為重要的是，當(dāng)ta們做出回避等等有可能毀滅關(guān)系的行為時(shí)，也始終如一地對(duì)待ta們，而不是以冷制冷。
比如，我剛剛那么說你也會(huì)感到難過吧?；乇苄偷娜藢?duì)于自己的情緒并不能充分認(rèn)知，但這是因?yàn)閠a們并沒有學(xué)會(huì)識(shí)別這些情緒。一旦有人教ta們，ta們也會(huì)成為最好的學(xué)生。
那么，回避型的我們
能做些什么自救呢？
和伴侶主動(dòng)聊聊回避型這件事
學(xué)習(xí)建設(shè)性的溝通
記錄「信任成功」事件，打破認(rèn)知固化
試著回憶過去，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)也許不是所有人都不值得信任。總有那么幾個(gè)人，曾在你需要的時(shí)候站出來給予過你幫助，可能是得知你生病后趕過來照顧你的朋友、家人，一個(gè)溫暖過你的陌生人……
記錄下這些閃著光的成功信任時(shí)刻，重新學(xué)著信賴他人。
增強(qiáng)對(duì)自己的自信
相信自己的修復(fù)力，相信哪怕真的被他人辜負(fù)，自己也有能力康復(fù)。自己已經(jīng)不再是那個(gè)無力自保的嬰兒——已經(jīng)長大的自己，哪怕遇到了不足夠關(guān)愛自己的人，也能夠幸存下來。
打破羞恥感
回避型往往有著嚴(yán)重的羞恥感。一個(gè)不被自己的父母所愛的孩子，會(huì)天然覺得是自己有問題，自己的存在沒有價(jià)值、不會(huì)被愛。因此羞恥感是回避型的一種人生底色。但你要知道，你值得被愛。錯(cuò)的是沒有好好愛你的父母，而不是你。
渴望被愛，渴望穩(wěn)定可靠的親密關(guān)系不但是正常的，也是作為人的一種美德，我們?cè)谂c他人的連接中成為更完滿的自己。
References：
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