How Hard AreRelationships?

I once heardsomeonedescribemarriage aswalking on hotcoals. I thinkthis is anaccurateanalogy. Relationshipsare hard and a marriageespeciallytakes a lot ofwork tomaintain. Some married couples appear tobe super happyall the time. But you don'tknow what goeson behindclosed doors. People can seemhappy on theoutside and yetthey arestruggling onthe other sideof that door.

That doesn'tmean thatmarriage isn'tworth it. Itjust means thatit takes a lotof effort andcommunicationfrom bothparties. Thetough thing inanyrelationship iswhen trust isbroken. You canmend that trustbut it takeshard work. Regain thetrust of yourpartner in anyway that makessense to you,but I believethat the bestway to mendyourrelationship isto talk to yourpartner. Whatever thatmeans for you,whether itmeans having aone-on-oneconversation inprivate orseeing acouplestherapist on aregular basis;both of thoseare viableoptions.

I used tothink that whenmy romantic relationshipswerechallengingthat there wassomething wrongwith me; Now Iknow that thatisn't true. What is true isthat itsometimes feelslike arelationship isending when inrealitysomething needsto shift orchange. Whenthe thoughtenters my mindthat I am afailure at romanticrelationships,I turn to thatthought and say“I nowpronounce youridiculous.” Because it is asilly thoughtto think thatyou “failed” ata relationship. A partnershipmeans that twopeople areinvolved; twopeople thathavedistinctivepersonalities. A relationshipisn’t a failurebecause twopeople arehaving troubleconnecting. Itjust means thattwo people arehavingdifficultyunderstandingone another.

And the truthis that wedon’t alwaysunderstand eachother in life. Life is full ofmiscommunications and misunderstandings. This iscertainlypresent in romanticrelationshipsand marriages. So what’s theanswer? How dowe work throughthese crossedcommunicationwires? We tryour hardest tosee things fromthe otherperson’s pointof view. Westop ourselvesfrom beingjudgmental andinstead curbthat impulseand besupportive. Maybe you don’tunderstand whatyour partnerwants or needs,and if youdon’t then askthem.

Makingassumptionsabout what yourpartner isthinking orfeeling is whatleads tocommunicationbreak down andresentment. Ihave personallyseen resentmentmutilaterelationships. So instead ofbeing resentfulbecause youaren’t gettingyour needs met,ask for whatyou want. Iknow how hardthis is,because Istruggle withit too. Butmaybe we canall work onthis. Perhapsthere’s a wayto get what youwant from yourpartner bybeing honest. It’s also aboutreciprocity;you give yourpartner whathe’s asking forand then hegives you whatyou need.