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C: Conflict

沖突

It’s a source of pain on any team, and even any relationship.

往往是團(tuán)隊(duì)，甚至關(guān)系中痛苦的來(lái)源。

But what if the conflict was not good or bad?

但是如果沖突沒(méi)有好壞之分呢？

S: What if the conflict was an inner resource for creativity, vision and transformation?

如果沖突是一種能夠轉(zhuǎn)化為創(chuàng)造力、愿景和蛻變的內(nèi)在資源呢？

請(qǐng)點(diǎn)擊上圖，進(jìn)入《關(guān)系：界限、健康、在沖突中成長(zhǎng)》

C: Susan and I have been over 15 years working with hundreds of business leaders and their teams.

我和蘇珊一起共同工作了15年，與成千上百的商業(yè)領(lǐng)袖和他們的團(tuán)隊(duì)合作過(guò)。

Our clients actually call us Team Doctors.

我們的客戶叫我們“團(tuán)隊(duì)醫(yī)生”。

Because we focus on the health of the team in order to get smart business results.

因?yàn)槲覀儗Ｗ⒂趫F(tuán)隊(duì)的健康發(fā)展，進(jìn)而取得卓越的商業(yè)成果。

S: There’s one that referred to us as the dentist.

曾經(jīng)有一個(gè)客戶把我們稱作“牙醫(yī)”。

C: That’s true.

確有其事

S: I think she just takes the conflict not us.

我認(rèn)為她說(shuō)的是沖突，不是我們。

C: What’s so. She keeps bringing this back.

的確如此，她經(jīng)常提起這件事。

C: Have you ever been on the team where two people won’t deal with each other so you had to manage around them?

你是否曾經(jīng)在這樣的團(tuán)隊(duì)里工作？?jī)蓚€(gè)人不愿意彼此合作，所以你必須一直在他們身旁進(jìn)行協(xié)調(diào)。

S: Have you worked with someone you just wanted to be able to have a good debate and they kept taking it so personally.

你是否曾經(jīng)跟這樣的人一起共事？你只是想和對(duì)方好好地討論一件事情，他們卻總是認(rèn)為你在針對(duì)他們個(gè)人。

C: Or have you ever worked with somebody who had always got bad and can we just get along?

還是你曾經(jīng)和這樣的人一起工作？你們總是處不來(lái)，為什么就不能好好相處呢？

In these situations, you might think conflict is the problem.

在這種情形下，你可能會(huì)覺(jué)得沖突是一個(gè)問(wèn)題。

Conflict isn’t the problem.

沖突不是問(wèn)題。

It’s the choice to defuse it rather than use it.

如果我們選擇息事寧人而不是善加運(yùn)用，

That’s the problem.

那才是問(wèn)題。

S: So today, we’re going to introduce you two magic ingredients

所以今天，我會(huì)向大家介紹兩種神奇的魔法材料，

that if you use them in conflict situation, it will turn conflict into creativity in an instance.  

如果你能在沖突的環(huán)境中運(yùn)用它們，能瞬間把沖突轉(zhuǎn)化為創(chuàng)造力。

So, just a little bit more about us.

現(xiàn)在，我再來(lái)稍微介紹一下我們。

Well, we’re a team.

我們是一個(gè)團(tuán)隊(duì)。

We have been business partners and life partners for over 15 years.

我們作為工作搭檔和生活伴侶在一起已經(jīng)超過(guò)15年。

That’s just to say we’ve got into a lot of conflicts.

這就意味著我們碰到過(guò)許許多多地沖突。

C: Oh, yeath.

是的

S: And we do conflict very differently.

我們對(duì)待沖突的方式完全不同。

We approach it differently.

我們用不同的方式處理沖突。

And we have different styles.

我們有不同的風(fēng)格。

And……

然后……

C: We can all agree.

絕對(duì)同意

S: What we can’t agree on is I forgot my line.

我們無(wú)法達(dá)成一致的是我忘記臺(tái)詞了。

What we can’t agree on is……

我們無(wú)法達(dá)成一致的是……

C: Conflict

沖突

S: and forgetting your lines is a natural and healthy part in the relationship.

和忘記臺(tái)詞是關(guān)系中很自然和健康的部分。

C: Yes, it’s a natural and healthy part but that doesn’t mean I like it.

是的，它是非常自然和健康的，但并不代表我會(huì)喜歡它。

Conflict terrifies many people.

沖突會(huì)嚇到很多人。

And I’ve been one of those people.

我曾經(jīng)是其中一個(gè)。

I grew up with an armcarno father.

我有一個(gè)非常嚴(yán)厲的父親。

As a little person, my Dad was big, loud and scary.

我還是一個(gè)小孩子的時(shí)候，父親是一個(gè)高大、大嗓門(mén)而且有點(diǎn)嚇人的人。

And the only thing predictable about him was he’s gonna get upset.  

關(guān)于他唯一能夠預(yù)測(cè)的事情就是他會(huì)突然發(fā)脾氣。

So every night at dinner, it was like running the gun, and hoping him wouldn’t explode up.  

所以每天晚上吃飯的時(shí)候，我們都好像在把玩手槍，期待他不會(huì)突然爆發(fā)。

One night, when we’re staying in Georgia, we lived in an old store house with a big kitchen, white kitchen, red curtains over the sake.

有一天晚上，我們住在喬治亞州的一個(gè)老舊的庫(kù)房里，那里有一個(gè)白色的廚房，很大，還掛著紅色的窗簾。

We’re all sitting in front of the table

我們都坐在桌子前面，

My dad was across to me.

父親就坐在我對(duì)面。

They were making fun of one of my teachers.

他們?cè)陂_(kāi)我一個(gè)老師的玩笑。

I was thirteen at that time.

我那時(shí)13歲。

I’ve just gone to that place that I’ve had enough.

我突然到了一個(gè)點(diǎn)，覺(jué)得自己受夠了。

So I stirred up

我被激怒，

And I said,

并喊道，

shut up,

閉嘴

shut up,

閉嘴

shut up!

閉嘴

A little louder than that although,

事實(shí)上聲音要比現(xiàn)在大一些，

I don’t want to blow you guys with the Microphone，

我不想用麥克風(fēng)震破你們的耳朵。

In a ??? second, my Dad was around the table,

父親很快從桌子對(duì)面走過(guò)來(lái)，

His hand was on my shirt,

他一把抓起我的襯衫，

And I felt his fist on my face,

用拳頭打在我的臉上。

It was a terrifying moment,

那是一個(gè)極其恐怖的時(shí)刻，

I froze.

我僵住了。

He kept punching.

他不停地?fù)]舞拳頭。

My sister finally pulled him off.

我的姐姐最終把他拉開(kāi)。

And I fell to the floor.

我摔在地板上，

In a puddle of my own pee,

癱倒在自己的一灘尿里。

That was a life-changing traumatic event for me

對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，那是一個(gè)改變一生的創(chuàng)傷性事件

I decided then and there

就在那個(gè)時(shí)刻，我意識(shí)到

Wow, it is not safe, and it is too dangerous,

天啊，這一點(diǎn)都不安全，太危險(xiǎn)了，

I’m not gonna be vulnerable and say how I really feel.

我不會(huì)再呈現(xiàn)自己的脆弱，說(shuō)出我的真實(shí)感受，

or show my emotions or my anger.

或是呈現(xiàn)情緒或憤怒，

No way, my body made a decision.

不可能，我的身體做了一個(gè)決定。

Anytime when there is disagreement, it flooded with fear.

每次當(dāng)出現(xiàn)不同意見(jiàn)時(shí)，我都能感覺(jué)到那種恐懼。

I started actually seek safety by tracking and managing my external environment, all the people around me.

我開(kāi)始通過(guò)觀察和控制周?chē)沫h(huán)境和所有的人來(lái)尋求安全感。

So if there’s any tension in the environment,

所以當(dāng)我嗅到空氣中有緊張的氣息時(shí)，

I would ask question,

我會(huì)開(kāi)始問(wèn)問(wèn)題，

or change the subject，

或是轉(zhuǎn)換話題，

or rephrase somebody’s inflammatory comments so the other person can hear better.  

或是重新組織語(yǔ)言，讓那些尖銳不舒服的評(píng)論聽(tīng)起來(lái)更容易接受。

I made sure to nod, smile and make eye contact.

我總是在點(diǎn)頭，微笑和人保持眼神連接。

But I took a step further.

但是我又進(jìn)了一步，

Cause I wanted to make sure those power people in my life that they were happy.

因?yàn)槲蚁氪_保身邊的權(quán)威開(kāi)心，

So I decided I want to focus on what they wanted me to become,

所以我決定把焦點(diǎn)放在他們期待我怎么做上面，

And I’ll do that.

然后我會(huì)照做。

So I wasn’t a C or D student, I went getting all As.

我絕對(duì)不會(huì)是那種C或D等的學(xué)生，我要拿所有的A。

I was an athlete, I went all way to focus on Olympics.

我是運(yùn)動(dòng)員，一直聚焦在角逐奧運(yùn)會(huì)上面。

I was a Boeing flight test engineer, the most martural part of Boeing.

我是波音公司的測(cè)試工程師，波音公司最重要的一個(gè)部分。

This is not an engineer.

可是我不僅僅是一個(gè)工程師。

I wound up at a top 5 consulting firm.

我到一家排名前五的咨詢公司做咨詢工作。

Ironically, my expertise at that consulting firm, facilitating tough conversations.

諷刺的是，我在那家咨詢公司的專職工作是協(xié)調(diào)那些挑戰(zhàn)的溝通對(duì)話。

No surprise, I spent ten thousands of hours running around my dinning room table defusing tension.

所以不奇怪的是，我花了成千上萬(wàn)個(gè)小時(shí)在餐桌旁平息沖突，緩和氣氛。

I become a professional conflict avoider,

我變成了一個(gè)非常專業(yè)的和事佬，

Facilitating conversations but never really showing up in them.

協(xié)調(diào)對(duì)話，化解沖突，但是從來(lái)不會(huì)呈現(xiàn)真實(shí)的自己。

I looked good on the outside.

我看起來(lái)外表光鮮，

I was terrified on the inside.

內(nèi)心卻惶恐不安。

I felt like a froken fraud.

我覺(jué)得自己像一個(gè)騙子。

Then I met Susan Clark.

后來(lái)我遇到了蘇珊●克拉克

I saw her work with a group in conflict,

我看到她處理沖突中的團(tuán)體，

but she did completely different than I did

但是她的工作方法和我完全不同

I mean she had opinion,

她有自己的主見(jiàn)，

she was passionate

充滿熱情，

I was like, “oh my god.”

我非常吃驚，“天??！”

I wanted to do that.

我也想那樣做！

I’ll let her tell you about her.

我會(huì)讓她來(lái)自己介紹自己。

S: For me, surfacing conflict saved my life.

對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，讓沖突浮出水面救了我一命。

When I was twenty-three

我23歲的時(shí)候，

I had my dreamed joy.

有一份夢(mèng)想中的工作

I was teaching

我那時(shí)在教書(shū)

Life was good

生活過(guò)得不錯(cuò)

And then I got sick

后來(lái)我生病了

I started to lose weight

我的體重開(kāi)始下降

I couldn’t keep any food down

我開(kāi)始吃不下東西

I had no energy

變得很虛弱

I ended up in hospital

后來(lái)不得不去醫(yī)院

And the doctor kept asking me over and over about my past

醫(yī)生不斷地追問(wèn)我過(guò)去的事情

They kept wanting to know about my past

他們想知道我過(guò)去發(fā)生了什么

I kept saying I had a healthy, happy childhood.

我不斷地告訴他們我擁有一個(gè)健康和快樂(lè)的童年。

Well, apparently, there was a difference between what I was saying on the outside and what they were saying on the inside.

很顯然，我說(shuō)出來(lái)的和他們看到的并不一樣。

They were seeing a lot of evidence of scarring and sexual trauma

他們看到了很多的傷疤和性創(chuàng)傷證據(jù)

Basically what they said to me is you need to get some answers

基本上，他們會(huì)建議我說(shuō)，你需要去尋找答案

You need to go and ask your family some questions  

你需要去問(wèn)問(wèn)你的家人發(fā)生了什么

Or maybe go to see a psychiatrist

或是去看精神科醫(yī)生

Well, I did

于是，我照做了

And it was like opening Pandora's Box

那個(gè)過(guò)程像是打開(kāi)了潘多拉的盒子

All a sudden, my happy, healthy childhood became a nightmare.

突然之間，我那個(gè)健康快樂(lè)的童年變成了一場(chǎng)噩夢(mèng)

I started to remember these horrible, violent acts

我開(kāi)始記起那些恐怖的暴力行為

Mostly at the hands of a charismatic camp director who know one

施暴者是一個(gè)當(dāng)?shù)刂耸?/span>

Including my family want to wrap???? that image.

所有的人，包括我的家人都想拼命的掩蓋這件事情，保全那個(gè)人的形象。

Well, my life depended on it

但是我要活下來(lái)

So I kept going

所以我要繼續(xù)往下探索

I went back to my doctors

我回到了醫(yī)生那里

They now have resolved the conflict from the past

現(xiàn)在他們解決了過(guò)往的沖突

So they were able to diagnose me in the present

就可以對(duì)我進(jìn)行當(dāng)下的診斷了

They diagnose me with stage 4 ????

他們確診的結(jié)果是我患了4期肺癌

You might be thinking that sucks.

也許你會(huì)覺(jué)得這樣的結(jié)果太糟糕了

Actually, believe it or not, it that moment, it was sort of relief.

事實(shí)上，不管你是否相信，在那個(gè)時(shí)刻，我反而有一種放松的感覺(jué)。

Suddenly, I had something I had to focus on.

突然之間，我可以專注地面對(duì)一些事情。

The treatments were distracting me from these crazy memories and the conflicts in my family

治療讓我從那些瘋狂的記憶和家庭矛盾中解脫出來(lái)

And that was actually good.

這對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)還不錯(cuò)

Until the treatment stopped working

直到有一天治療失敗了

I can still remember the day well

我還清楚地記得那一天

When I sat across from my doctor

我跟醫(yī)生面對(duì)面坐著

She said to me，“We don’t have any more options”

她對(duì)我說(shuō)，“我們已經(jīng)沒(méi)有其他可用的方案了”

“You have about 6 months to live”

“你大概還可以活6個(gè)月”

Suddenly, I found myself with this dying body,

突然之間，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己只剩下這個(gè)快要死去的身體，

and these crazy ass memories that no one was really validating or acknowledging,

和那些無(wú)法證實(shí)，無(wú)人認(rèn)可的瘋狂而痛苦的回憶.

And I realized I was at a critical choice moment,

我意識(shí)到我到了一個(gè)至關(guān)重要的抉擇點(diǎn)，

I could quit, which actually really frankly seems like best at best at that moment

我可以退出，而且在那個(gè)時(shí)候這看起來(lái)是最好的選擇

I could keep fighting with my family, with my doctors, with my old memories.

我可以繼續(xù)戰(zhàn)斗，對(duì)抗我的家人，對(duì)抗醫(yī)生，對(duì)抗那些記憶

Or I can get curious.

或者是，我可以帶著一顆好奇心前行

Well, that led me to the Haven.

最終，它帶我來(lái)到了海文學(xué)院

I ran into a program that called“Come Alive”

我參加了一個(gè)叫做“潛力蘇醒”的課程。

And it was there that I discovered the amazing energy source,

就是在那里，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個(gè)神奇的能量源泉

the aliveness that really comes from really surfacing,

我的生命活力開(kāi)始浮現(xiàn)出來(lái)

dealing with and using conflict.

面對(duì)并且巧妙地運(yùn)用沖突

I won’t kid you

我不是在開(kāi)玩笑

It was help

它幫了我

But, that experience of surfacing the conflict changed my life.  

但是，把沖突帶出水面的經(jīng)驗(yàn)改變了我的生活，

And saved my life.

拯救了我的生命。

C: So you just heard our very personal stories

你們剛剛聽(tīng)到的是我們非常個(gè)人化的故事

which we don’t tell all the time

我們并不會(huì)經(jīng)常談及這些經(jīng)歷

And I want you to think about your story

我想邀請(qǐng)你們想想自己的故事

What you learned from conflict growing up

你在成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程里從沖突中學(xué)到了什么

Now think of a team you’re on now or a significant relationship

想想你現(xiàn)在所在的團(tuán)隊(duì)，或是一段重要的關(guān)系，

How do you deal with conflict today？

你是如何處理沖突的？

Conflict wasn’t good or bad

沖突沒(méi)有好壞

But I’m not kidding you

但是，我不是在開(kāi)玩笑

You’re not crazy

你也沒(méi)瘋

It’s hard and uncomfortable

它的確很困難，而且讓人感到不舒服

That because our nerve system gets fired

那是因?yàn)槲覀兊纳窠?jīng)系統(tǒng)被觸發(fā)

And we go into a fight, flight, or freeze

進(jìn)入到一種戰(zhàn)斗、逃跑或僵住的模式中

We all have our personal triggers

我們每個(gè)人都有自己的引爆點(diǎn)

Mine is anybody’s getting upset in the environment 

我的是當(dāng)周?chē)娜碎_(kāi)始生氣的時(shí)候，

And I get really anxious

我開(kāi)始變得異常焦慮

My body floods with fear and I want to run

我的身體里充滿了恐懼，我只想逃走

Well, mine is if I’m around people who are really nice and polite

如果我身邊的人非常體貼、有禮貌，

And not saying stuff,

而且不會(huì)說(shuō)什么難聽(tīng)的，

I actually start to think they are up to something dangerous.

我反而會(huì)想他們是不是不懷好意。

I go to fight

我開(kāi)始進(jìn)入戰(zhàn)斗模式

I got into a little trouble.

我有點(diǎn)小麻煩了

The question I had asked and you may want to ask is

所以我剛剛問(wèn)的問(wèn)題，也許也是你要問(wèn)的問(wèn)題，

Do I want to let me nerve system control me and limit me

我會(huì)允許我的神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)控制我，限制我嗎？

S：You probably are wondering why are we talking about all those personal stuffs.

你也許會(huì)很疑惑，為什么我們要談這些非常個(gè)人化的事情?

How do these fit in with business teams?

它們與商業(yè)團(tuán)隊(duì)又有什么關(guān)系？

Well, business is personal

商業(yè)都是由人組成的，

And we still have business to do

我們也有自己的生意要做

So cute Lego Movie

就像那部可愛(ài)的樂(lè)高大電影

C: Because this is what people think a team gonna be like.

因?yàn)槿藗兌颊J(rèn)為團(tuán)隊(duì)?wèi)?yīng)該是這樣的

Everything is awesome

一切都棒極了

Everything is cool when you’re part of a team

當(dāng)你是團(tuán)隊(duì)一員時(shí)，一切都酷斃了

Everything is awesome

一切都棒極了

C: Thank you! Thank you!

謝謝！謝謝！

That’s not what happens really

那可不是真實(shí)的情況

No, what’s really happen on a team is you do start out with an awesome vision.

不是這樣，團(tuán)隊(duì)中的真實(shí)情況是開(kāi)始的時(shí)候你擁有很棒的愿景

Great!

好極了！

So you get some smart people.

那些聰明有才干的人來(lái)到你身邊

And they are passionate about your course.

他們對(duì)于你的目標(biāo)和方向充滿熱情

All a sudden, these smart people, start to have very different opinions

突然之間，這些聰明的成員之間開(kāi)始產(chǎn)生完全不同的意見(jiàn)

And then those different opinions come with strong emotions

隨后這些不同的意見(jiàn)帶來(lái)強(qiáng)烈的情緒

Cos they’ve got a lot of passion

他們擁有如此之多的激情

And you’re stuck in I’m right and you’re wrong

卻執(zhí)著于我對(duì)你錯(cuò)的觀念之中

We are smashed at the conflict

陷入沖突無(wú)法自拔

Now we don’t like conflict

可是我們不喜歡沖突

So most people choose to defuse it

所以大部分人會(huì)選擇息事寧人

And it could be, if you have a style like me,

所以可能的結(jié)果是，如果你跟我是一樣的風(fēng)格，

Okay, we’ll do it your way.

好吧，好吧，那就聽(tīng)你的吧。

A peace-keeper style.

這是和事佬的風(fēng)格

Or it could be I’m gonna take charge

也有可能是這樣的，我來(lái)控制局面

I’m gonna do it my way

我會(huì)堅(jiān)持我的方式

You guys are gonna thank me when I get it done.

等我把事情搞定了，你們等著說(shuō)謝謝吧！

It could be, hey, I’m at here until you guys get done of those messy stuffs then I’ll come back and do some real work.

也可能是，嘿，我會(huì)在這里等你們收拾完?duì)€攤子，再開(kāi)始干點(diǎn)“正事”！

S: So when teams do this, they stop

所以當(dāng)團(tuán)隊(duì)發(fā)生這種情況的時(shí)候，就會(huì)停滯不前。

People get disengaged.

大家開(kāi)始失去積極性

Worse, they start to undermine each other

更糟糕的是，人們開(kāi)始互相搞破壞

The team like this don’t get great result ????

這樣的團(tuán)隊(duì)絕對(duì)無(wú)法取得良好的成效

This is disengagement.

這就是消極倦怠

People are not using conflict

人們沒(méi)有積極地運(yùn)用沖突

They are avoiding it or defusing it.

而是試圖逃避沖突或是息事寧人

C: Here’s some data from Gallup

這是一組來(lái)自蓋洛普的調(diào)查數(shù)據(jù)

They are talking about different engagement levels

它說(shuō)的是不同的參與程度

S: So look at me when you see this.

大家看我這里，當(dāng)你看到這個(gè)數(shù)字時(shí)，

One third of the company is usually disengaged.  

公司里往往只有三分之一的人是積極參與的。

Let’s just talked about that 70.5%

讓我們來(lái)看看其他的70.5%

Because they are actively disengaged

因?yàn)樗麄冎鲃?dòng)選擇不參與的。

That’s sort of unpleasant or something bad going on there.

它看起來(lái)一點(diǎn)都不令人愉快，這背后應(yīng)該有一些糟糕的事情在發(fā)生。

Those people, something goes on for them,

這些人都碰到了某些狀況

They are very dissatisfied with where they are

他們對(duì)自己的處境都非常地不滿意

C: We do think this is disengagement because people are not dealing with surfacing conflict.

我們認(rèn)為這是一種消極倦怠的狀態(tài)，因?yàn)榇蠹覜](méi)有有效處理出現(xiàn)的沖突。

So we want to talk with you about two magic ingredients.

我們想向大家介紹兩種的“魔法原料“

that actually transfers conflicts into activities in an instant

它們能夠瞬間把沖突轉(zhuǎn)化為創(chuàng)造力

They are vulnerability and curiosity

它們是”脆弱”和”好奇心”

So the first magic ingredient is Vulnerability.

第一種魔法原料是“脆弱“

I don’t know anybody who actually likes the concept of Vulnerability except maybe Branny Brown

我不知道除了布蘭妮.布朗之外，是不是有人真的會(huì)喜歡脆弱的概念

But in business, you’ve got to be kidding

而這在商業(yè)之中簡(jiǎn)直是在開(kāi)玩笑

Business is a room of invincibility

商場(chǎng)是沒(méi)有硝煙的戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)

But we’re talking about on a team, where relationship matters and vulnerability is a key.

但是我們討論的是團(tuán)隊(duì)，團(tuán)隊(duì)中關(guān)系是重要的，而脆弱則是解決之道。

Vulnerability is not about being weak

脆弱并不意味著軟弱

Vulnerability is the willingness to expose oneself to danger

脆弱是一種愿意敞開(kāi)面對(duì)危險(xiǎn)的意愿

To take a risk and be honest about what’s really happening

敢于冒險(xiǎn)，對(duì)真實(shí)的發(fā)生保持誠(chéng)實(shí)

To say what you think, feel and want

勇敢地說(shuō)出你想到的，感受到的和想要的

I’ve got to tell you, I do not like this concept at all

我想要誠(chéng)實(shí)地告訴你，我自己一點(diǎn)都不喜歡這個(gè)概念

I still say, God, why do I have to be vulnerable?

我還是會(huì)說(shuō)，天啊，我為什么非要呈現(xiàn)脆弱？

S: Should I tell them you were actually arguing about it an hour ago?

我應(yīng)不應(yīng)該告訴大家你一個(gè)小時(shí)之前還在跟我爭(zhēng)辯這個(gè)問(wèn)題？

She wanted me to take this part.

她想要讓我刪掉這部分

But the benefit is, when I have the courage to actually stand up and say what I really think, feel and want, even share my anger

但是好處是，當(dāng)我真的有勇氣站起來(lái)說(shuō)出我的所想，所感和所求，有時(shí)甚至是分享憤怒，

Which wasn’t really going well earlier in my life,

雖然我生命早期的經(jīng)驗(yàn)很糟糕，

I actually stop managing you guys,

我開(kāi)始停止控制你們，

I land inside my own shoes and I connect from there,

我回到自己的中心，并從那里開(kāi)始連接，

And I re-claim more of me, my voice, my emotion and creative expression  

我重新認(rèn)領(lǐng)自己，包括我的聲音、我的情緒，并用一種有創(chuàng)造力的方式進(jìn)行表達(dá)。

I’m actually pretty good in conflict these days.

現(xiàn)在，我對(duì)沖突越來(lái)越能夠坦然面對(duì)了。

S： I’m going to ??? for that

我能夠證明這一點(diǎn)

Let’s talk about the second ingredient - curiosity.

讓我們來(lái)談?wù)劦诙€(gè)原料——好奇心

So what curiosity doesn’t mean? It’s letting go of my judgments.

那么好奇心意味不能做什么呢？要放下評(píng)判

I often hear people say to me, I don’t want to be judgmental.

我經(jīng)常聽(tīng)到人們說(shuō)，我不想妄下結(jié)論

Really?

這是真的嗎？

Your judgments, your ability to decern, to imagine, that’s one of your greatest gifts.

你的評(píng)判、你的辨識(shí)力和想象力是你最大的禮物。

You want smart and opinionated people on your team

你希望你團(tuán)隊(duì)里的人都聰明而有主見(jiàn)，

You hire them for that

這是你雇傭他們的原因

The problem isn’t our judgments.

問(wèn)題不是我們的評(píng)判，

The problem is that we get stuck to them.

而是我們被評(píng)判卡住了

We got married to and attached to them

我們過(guò)于執(zhí)著和堅(jiān)持自己的評(píng)判

We think we’re right

我們認(rèn)為自己是對(duì)的

I do this all the time

我一直以來(lái)都是這么做的

I know this one

我對(duì)這個(gè)再熟悉不過(guò)了

C：She does

插話：她的確是這樣的

And this is very sticky

事情變得很棘手

What curiosity does mean is the willingness to own my judgments

好奇心的真正含義是承認(rèn)我是有評(píng)判的

And get interested and curious about the different perspective.

然后再對(duì)不同的觀點(diǎn)抱持一種感興趣和好奇的態(tài)度

To be willing to consider there’s more than one right way, more than one truth, more than one possibility.

愿意考慮也許會(huì)有不同的方案，不同的真相和不同的可能性

And get over my need to be right.

超越我必須正確的需求

Now for me, that meant I had to get curious about cancer

回到我身上，這就意味著我必須要對(duì)癌癥保持好奇心

I had to consider the cancer wasn’t just an enemy

我必須考慮到癌癥并不僅僅是一個(gè)敵人

There was something for me to learn from it.

一定有些功課是我需要從癌癥中學(xué)習(xí)的

I had to get curious about those memories and couldn’t just bury them down

我要對(duì)那些曾經(jīng)的回憶保持好奇，而不是干脆把它們埋掉。

And I even had to get curious about the difference between my storyline about the past and my family’s

我甚至還要對(duì)家人保持好奇心，因?yàn)閷?duì)于過(guò)去，我們有不同的故事版本

C: So when you combine curiosity and vulnerability in the middle of the conflict

所以當(dāng)你能夠在沖突中運(yùn)用好奇心和脆弱這兩種原料時(shí)，

That’s when you start to use the energy of conflict rather than defuse it.

你就開(kāi)始運(yùn)用沖突的能量，而不是簡(jiǎn)單地息事寧人

S: So let’s give you a business case scenario of this

我們會(huì)給你一個(gè)關(guān)于這種情況的商業(yè)案例

We’re working with an IT company and they’re pretty successful

我們?cè)跒橐患襂T公司做咨詢，那是一家相當(dāng)成功的公司。

They are successful enough and they were able to buy, get….

他們?nèi)绱顺晒?，所以能夠?gòu)買(mǎi)，得到……

C: acquire

收購(gòu)

S: Acquire, that’s the word I’m looking for

收購(gòu)，是的，我正想說(shuō)這個(gè)詞

Acquire a smaller company

收購(gòu)了一家小型公司

And with that acquisition, Jane, the present of the smaller company, got planted on the executive team

做為收購(gòu)內(nèi)容之一，這家小公司的總經(jīng)理，簡(jiǎn)，被安插進(jìn)管理團(tuán)隊(duì)。

Now in three months of this new deal, the CEO Frank of the IT company called us,

收購(gòu)三個(gè)月之后，IT公司的CEO弗蘭克打電話給我們。

I’m pretty sure that he just wanted us to help him to fire Jane.

我確信他只是希望我們協(xié)助他開(kāi)掉簡(jiǎn)。

We came in.

于是我們就進(jìn)入他們的團(tuán)隊(duì)

We started to work with them over two day period

開(kāi)始進(jìn)行一次為期兩天的工作

They got to the part where they were talking about their strategy

然后他們開(kāi)始談起他們的市場(chǎng)戰(zhàn)略

Jane was vehemently opposed to what the team was proposing

簡(jiǎn)強(qiáng)烈地反對(duì)團(tuán)隊(duì)的提議

Three of the guys from the exact team got up worse,

反方團(tuán)隊(duì)中的三名成員憤怒地站起來(lái)

Pointing at her

用手指著她

Screaming at her

朝她大喊大叫

I actually thought we’re going to have a real medical doctor.

我當(dāng)時(shí)真的以為我們可能需要一個(gè)急救醫(yī)生

I was a little concerned.

我有點(diǎn)擔(dān)心。

Then we said time’s up

然后我們說(shuō)，時(shí)間到！

Do you remember vulnerability and curiosity?  

你們還記得脆弱和好奇心嗎？

One of the guys,

其中的一個(gè)人

One of the really angry guys said,

剛剛非常憤怒的男人中的一個(gè)，說(shuō)，

In an angry voice, but he started there,

語(yǔ)氣中帶著憤怒，但他還是開(kāi)始做了嘗試，

Look, Okay, I’m gonna be vulnerable,

好吧，聽(tīng)著，我要呈現(xiàn)我的脆弱，

I’m gonna tell you,

我要告訴你

I’ve been angry and frustrated with you since you join this team.

自從你加入這個(gè)團(tuán)隊(duì)的那一刻起，我就對(duì)你感到憤怒和失望

And I really haven’t listened to anything you’ve said

其實(shí)你說(shuō)的話我一句都沒(méi)聽(tīng)進(jìn)去

Then he said, and , because of curiosity, I actually wanted to try to

然后他說(shuō)，出于好奇，我的確想要試試，

He walked over and sat next to Jane.

于是他走過(guò)去，坐到簡(jiǎn)旁邊

Now Jane took a breath,

簡(jiǎn)做了一次深呼吸，

And said, ”this has been really hard” 

說(shuō)道，“這的確非常困難，”

But then she launched her idea

但是之后她開(kāi)始分享自己的想法

You could see light bulbs go off

于是警報(bào)訊號(hào)消除了

Joe and the rest of the team knew she had good ideas

團(tuán)隊(duì)中的其他成員都知道她有好點(diǎn)子

They stepped back and redesign their entire strategy to include Jane’s idea.

他們不再咄咄逼人，而是重新設(shè)計(jì)了整個(gè)戰(zhàn)略規(guī)劃，并接納了簡(jiǎn)的想法。

That new strategy took them incredible result of No. 3 spot in the industry.

新的戰(zhàn)略規(guī)劃帶給他們意想不到的收獲，他們?cè)谛袠I(yè)中穩(wěn)居三甲。

C: So we found it all the time in team highly capable people can’t work together.

我們經(jīng)常在團(tuán)隊(duì)中發(fā)現(xiàn)這種情況，有能力的人卻無(wú)法好好合作。

It is our job to help bring them together

我們的工作就是把他們整合到一起，

And recognize that my way and your way, it’s a whole new way.

并了解到我的方法，加上你的方法，會(huì)是一種全新的方法。

Teams and relationships that do this, that utilize vulnerability and curiosity come up with innovative solutions not just once but repeatedly.

那些運(yùn)用了脆弱和好奇心的團(tuán)隊(duì)和關(guān)系都會(huì)一次又一次地產(chǎn)生卓越的創(chuàng)新成效

They bounce back from and set back from failure

他們能夠迅速地從失敗中恢復(fù)活力，

People are involved, engaged and alive.

大家都積極參與并充滿活力。

So I want to take you back to when I had just 6 months to live

現(xiàn)在我要把大家?guī)Щ貏倓偟脑掝}，我只剩下6個(gè)月可以活

To the last morning of that come alive.

回到那個(gè)《潛力蘇醒》的最后一個(gè)早晨

It was a transformative moment for me

對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)那是一個(gè)蛻變性的時(shí)刻

The leader of the workshop wanted to do a healing circle for me

工作坊的導(dǎo)師想要為我做一個(gè)療愈圈，

……

And they invited their friend Father Jack Romankemists prays  

Now when he walked in the room in his ropes all has bruklers

Brucler

There were some people in that room that had pretty serious religious issues with organized religion.

That loving, kind healing circle

本來(lái)應(yīng)該充滿愛(ài)和善意的療愈圈

chaos, mayhem

變成了一團(tuán)混亂

It was not pretty.

一點(diǎn)都不美好

Until Father Jack said something,

直到杰克神父開(kāi)始說(shuō)了一些話，

He got vulnerable,

他開(kāi)始呈現(xiàn)脆弱，

he said, “you know, I realize I’m representing the church”

他說(shuō)：“你知道，我意識(shí)到我代表著整個(gè)教堂”

“And I had made some mistakes.” 

“而我犯過(guò)一些錯(cuò)?！?/span>

“My church had made some mistakes”

“我的教堂了犯過(guò)一些錯(cuò)誤”

And he got curious.

然后他開(kāi)始變得好奇。

He said, “I’m interested in hearing from you.”

他說(shuō)：“我很感興趣聽(tīng)你們說(shuō)?！?/span>

Suddenly, it got very real.

突然之間，一切變得如此真實(shí)。

Very quickly, it was a changing moment,

很快地，它變成了一個(gè)轉(zhuǎn)化性的時(shí)刻。

Because I’ve never seen conflict got dealt with like that

因?yàn)槲覐膩?lái)沒(méi)有見(jiàn)過(guò)沖突可以像這樣處理

Some content he got dealt with, with vulnerability and curiosity

他用呈現(xiàn)脆弱和帶著好奇的方式處理沖突

As a matter of fact, that was the healing

而事實(shí)上，這就是療愈

I went back and had surgery to remove tumors

我回到了醫(yī)院，進(jìn)行移除腫瘤的手術(shù)，

They open me up,

他們打開(kāi)我的身體，

The tumors were gone

腫瘤消失了

Now I really believe that in that moment, that experience being in a situation

現(xiàn)在我真的會(huì)相信就是在那個(gè)時(shí)刻，那個(gè)經(jīng)驗(yàn)，那種情形中,

where there was that kind of conflict and people deal with it differently saved me.

人們處理沖突的不同方式拯救了我

C: So we’ll leave you with this

這是我們最后要留給大家的信息

Conflict is an energy source for innovation, creativity and transformation.

沖突是革新、創(chuàng)造力和蛻變的能量來(lái)源

It’s time we stop looking for safety and magic outside of ourselves

是時(shí)候停止追求安全感和向外尋找魔法了，

And recognize the resources we have within and between us to bridge our differences

認(rèn)識(shí)到我們的內(nèi)在和我們之間擁有足夠的資源去溝通彼此的差異

And tap that unlimited renewable resource

并連接那取之不盡，用之不竭的資源，

S: So you’re capable of the amazing things

我們擁有非凡的能力

I know the time is going to be up and I’ll wrap this up quickly

我知道時(shí)間到了，我會(huì)盡快做個(gè)總結(jié)

You’re capable of the amazing things

我們擁有非凡的能力

So the next time you get stuck in conflicts

所以下次當(dāng)你發(fā)生沖突的時(shí)候

Remember, defuse it

記得，平息它

I mean…..

我的意思是……

C: Oh my god, she blows the line.

天啊，她又說(shuō)出錯(cuò)話了。

S:Okay, we’re going to fight about this later.

好吧，我們等一下再吵！

Use it, don’t defuse it!

運(yùn)用它，而不是息事寧人！

Because you too can change the world

因?yàn)槟阋材軌蚋淖兪澜?/span>

One team, one relationship, one conflict at a time

一次一個(gè)團(tuán)隊(duì)，一次一個(gè)關(guān)系，一次一個(gè)沖突！

Okay, thank you!

好的，謝謝！

對(duì)你以及你所追求的生命，

致上我們最深的祝福！