「當(dāng)我們告訴女性在懷孕期間不值得為性行爲(wèi)冒險(xiǎn)，我們實(shí)際是告訴她們她的性愉悅是不重要的……實(shí)際上她是無關(guān)緊要的?！剐匝芯繉W(xué)者索菲亞·賈維德-維斯?fàn)栠@樣說。 在這個(gè)大開眼界的演講里，索菲亞帶我們深入了解對(duì)懷孕和愉悅的認(rèn)識(shí)，以及女性、性和權(quán)利體系的關(guān)系。
00:12
We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I, and in doing so, I hope that we can lift some of the shame many of us feel about sex.
00:22
How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger? Lots of women. For me, the time I remember best is when that stranger was a student of mine. He came up to me after class that night and his words confirmed what I already knew:
00:43
'I am so sorry, professor. If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things.'
00:51
I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor. This concept, called objectification, is the foundation of sexism, and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives. We see it in the government that refuses to punish men for raping women. We see it in advertisements. How many of you have seen an advertisement that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product? Or movie after movie after movie that portrays women as only love interests? These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless, but they're insidious, slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people. We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn, or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women over and over, or the woman who is killed because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor.
02:07
Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women. Let's consider the classic romantic comedy. We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies, two kinds of desirable women, anyway. The first is the sexy bombshell. This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body. Our leading man has no trouble identifying her and even less trouble having sex with her. The second is our leading lady, the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with despite not noticing her at first or not liking her if he did. The first is the slut. She is to be consumed and forgotten. She is much too available. The second is desirable but modest, and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies. Marriage material. We're actually told that women have two roles, but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman.
03:08
On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance that I study sex, if they don't end the conversation right then, they're usually pretty intrigued.
03:19
'Oh. Tell me more.'
03:20
So I do.
03:24
'I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors of pregnant and postpartum couples.' At this point I get a different kind of response.
03:34
'Oh. Huh. Do pregnant people even have sex? Have you thought about studying sexual desire or orgasms? That would be interesting, and sexy.'
03:49
Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind when you picture a pregnant woman? I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults, and most responded with 'belly' or 'round' and 'cute.' This didn't surprise me too much. What else do we label as cute? Babies. Puppies. Kittens. The elderly. Right?
04:16
When we label an adult as cute, though, we take away a lot of their intelligence, their complexity. We reduce them to childlike qualities. I also asked heterosexual men to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant, and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant, and then tell me the first words that come to mind when they imagine having sex. Most of the responses were negative. 'Gross.' 'Awkward.' 'Not sexy.' 'Odd.' 'Uncomfortable.' 'How?'
04:55
'Not worth the trouble.' 'Not worth the risk.'
04:58
That last one really stuck with me. We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality, we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification. They experience less sexism. Right? Not exactly. What happens instead is a different kind of objectification. In my efforts to explain this to others, one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf, a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty, hence the name Venus. This theory was later revised, though, when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus on the figurine's reproductive features: large breasts, considered ideal for nursing; a round, possibly pregnant belly; the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth. They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding. She also had no face. For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility and not a portrait of a person. She was an object. In the history of her interpretation, she went from object of ideal beauty and love to object of reproduction.
06:19
I think this transition speaks more about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose than the actual purpose of the figurine herself. When a woman becomes pregnant, she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role. In doing so, she also becomes the property of the community, considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right? I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect, and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life.
06:57
Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant?
07:00
Yeah. Lots of you, right? So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy, maybe without even asking your permission first? Or told what you can and cannot eat by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider? Or asked private questions about your birth plan? And then told why those choices are all wrong? Yeah, me too. Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine? This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me. This is a huge secret. It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy. Many of us don't know this because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret --
07:49
especially if she's less educated or a woman of color.
07:53
What this tells us is, this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist. It's present when the government reminds women with every new anti-choice bill that the contents of her uterus are not her own, or when an ob-gyn says, 'While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy, sometimes you never know. Better safe than sorry, right?' She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy under the guise of 'be a good mother.' We don't trust her to make her own decisions. She's cute, remember? When we tell women that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.
08:38
When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy, what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter. So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter, even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs.
08:57
So medical providers, such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy. So what do the experts say? ACOG actually has no public official statement about the safety of sex during pregnancy. Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive but presented with a caveat: 'Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy, sometimes it's best to be cautious.'
09:26
Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy, and that's OK. Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy, and that's OK, too. What needs to stop is society telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
09:47
Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction who can't stand on their own two feet. But the truth is, the real secret is, we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter. We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women or women who don't want children even exist.
10:08
'Oh, it's just a phase ...
10:10
she just needs the right man to come along.'
10:13
Every time a woman has sex simply because it feels good, it is revolutionary. She is revolutionary. She is pushing back against society's insistence that she exist simply for men's pleasure or for reproduction. A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary, because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself.
10:43
That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal. That is a woman who insists that you make room for her at the table of power, and that is the most terrifying of all because we can't make room for her without some of us giving up the extra space we hold.
11:08
I have one last secret for you. I am the mother of two boys and we could use your help. Even though my boys hear me say regularly that it's important for men to recognize women as equals and they see their father modeling this, we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home. This is not a men's problem or a women's problem. This is everyone's problem, and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality. For starters, we have got to stop telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
11:50
This includes not treating pregnant women like community property. If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly. You wouldn't anybody else. Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat. Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions. This also includes understanding that even if you are personally against abortion, you can still fight for a woman's right to choose. When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another. If you're somebody who has sex with women, prioritize her pleasure. If you don't know how, ask. If you have children --
12:27
have conversations about sex as early as possible, because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore. They look it up on the internet. And when you're having those conversations about sex, don't center them on reproduction only. People have sex for many reasons, some because they want a baby, but most of us have sex because it feels good. Admit it.
12:52
And regardless of whether you have children or not, support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers.
13:07
Nothing positive comes from shaming teens for their sexual desires, behaviors, other than positive STD and pregnancy tests.
13:18
Every single day, we are all given the opportunity to disrupt patterns of inequality. I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so.
13:29
Thank you.
00:12
今天你們和我將分享很多秘密。 這么做的目的是， 我希望可以消除一些 我們對(duì)性的羞恥感。
00:22
在座各位，有多少人 曾被陌生人吹口哨？ 很多女士。 對(duì)我來說，我記得最清楚的是， 那個(gè)陌生人是我的一個(gè)學(xué)生。 那晚下課后，他來找我， 他的話證實(shí)了我已知道的，
00:43
「非常抱歉，教授。 如果早知道是您， 我怎么也不會(huì)說那些話。 」
00:51
對(duì)他來說，如果我不是他的教授， 他就沒把我是一個(gè)人。 這就是所謂「人格物化」的概念， 這是性別歧視的基礎(chǔ)。 我們?cè)谏畹母鱾€(gè)層面， 看到它不斷的被強(qiáng)化， 我們可從政府部門 拒絕懲罰那些 強(qiáng)姦婦女的男人看到。 我們?cè)趶V告裡看到。 有多少人曾經(jīng)看過廣告中 用女性的胸部 來推廣毫不相干的產(chǎn)品？ 還有，一部接一部的電影裡， 女性被刻畫成只是愛情目標(biāo)？ 這些例子看似無關(guān)緊要，無傷大雅， 但實(shí)際上他們的殺傷力很大， 慢慢滲入成一種 無視女性為人的文化。 我們看見學(xué)校把 10 歲的 女學(xué)生打發(fā)回家， 因?yàn)樗囊轮屇猩中模?不能專心讀書， 還有那些政府拒絕懲罰 強(qiáng)姦女性的男人， 一次又一次， 還有女性被殺 就是因?yàn)樵谖璩兀?她要求某位男人不要毛手毛腳。
02:07
對(duì)女性的物化， 媒體發(fā)揮著重要的作用。 讓我們?cè)O(shè)想 在一個(gè)經(jīng)典浪漫喜劇中， 在這些電影裡，總有兩種女性， 兩種讓人想要追求的女生。 第一種是非常性感的女生。 非常美麗的女人，完美的身體曲線。 我們的男主角能夠 毫不費(fèi)力的注意到她， 并甚至很輕易就能和她發(fā)生關(guān)系。 第二個(gè)是我們的女主角， 美麗端莊的女生， 最后被男主角愛上， 雖然一開始可能并沒有注意到她， 或是就算注意到她， 也沒有立刻喜歡她。 第一個(gè)女生是蕩婦。 她在被利用后，就被遺忘了。 她太隨手可得。 第二個(gè)女生吸引人但是低調(diào)， 因此值得成為男主角 未來子女的母親。 結(jié)婚的材料。 我們實(shí)際上被告知， 女性有兩個(gè)角色， 但是這兩種角色 很難并存于同一個(gè)女人。
03:08
在罕見的情況下， 我會(huì)和剛認(rèn)識(shí)的人 分享我是做性研究的。 如果這時(shí)他們不馬上中止談話， 他們通常都會(huì)很好奇。
03:19
「哦，說來聽聽?！?/span>
03:20
于是我就說了。
03:24
「我對(duì)懷孕中和產(chǎn)后夫妻的 性行為的研究， 非常感興趣?！?這時(shí)我會(huì)得到不同的回應(yīng)。
03:34
「哦，哼。 孕婦可以有性行為嗎？ 你有沒有想過研究性欲， 或性高潮？ 那應(yīng)該會(huì)更有意思，并且性感。 」
03:49
請(qǐng)告訴我，當(dāng)你們想到孕婦的時(shí)候， 進(jìn)入你們腦海的第一個(gè)字是什么？ 這個(gè)問題，我在一個(gè)調(diào)查中 訪問了超過 500 個(gè)成年人， 最多的回答是「肚子」或「圓形」， 還有 「可愛」。 這并沒有讓我很吃驚。 還有什么我們通常用可愛來形容？ 嬰兒、小狗、小貓。 還有年長者。是嗎？
04:16
當(dāng)我們把成年人用可愛來形容時(shí)， 我們剝奪了他們的智慧， 以及他們複雜性。 我們把他們降到了小孩子的水淮。 我也訪問過異性戀的男生， 讓他們假想他們的另一半正在懷孕， 然后問女生假想自己懷孕， 然后告訴我 當(dāng)他們想像在做性行為時(shí)， 首先想到的第一個(gè)字詞。 大多數(shù)的反應(yīng)都是負(fù)面的。 「噁心」 「尷尬」 「不性感」「奇怪」 「不舒服」 「怎么做？」
04:55
「這么麻煩不值得」 「不值得冒險(xiǎn)」
04:58
最后的一個(gè)詞讓我想了很久。 我們可能認(rèn)為因?yàn)?我們把孕婦、母親和性分開， 我們就去除了性物化的約束。 她們經(jīng)歷一些性別歧視。是嗎？ 并不盡然。 其實(shí)結(jié)果是另外一種形式的物化， 在我努力向別人解釋這個(gè)的時(shí)候， 其中的一次談話就轉(zhuǎn)到 維倫多爾夫的維納斯， 這個(gè)舊石器時(shí)代的小雕像， 學(xué)者們認(rèn)為是愛和美麗的女神。 因此命名她為維納斯。 這個(gè)理論之后又被更正過， 當(dāng)學(xué)者們注意到雕刻家的重心 明顯的放在雕像的生殖特徵上： 豐滿的胸部 被認(rèn)為是理想的哺育工具， 豐滿，可能已懷孕的腹部； 紅赭染料的殘留，暗示月經(jīng)或生育。 學(xué)者們也假設(shè)她是應(yīng)該被抬著， 或是平放著的， 因?yàn)樗男∧_是不允許她能站著的。 她也沒有臉。 因?yàn)槿绱?，她被認(rèn)為是繁衍的象徵。 并不是一個(gè)人的塑像。 她是一個(gè)物品。 貫穿在對(duì)她的解讀的歷史裡， 她從一個(gè)理想的美和愛的物件， 變成繁衍的物品。
06:19
我認(rèn)為這種轉(zhuǎn)變， 與其說是雕像的實(shí)際目的， 不如說是， 它告訴了我們 那些研究她的學(xué)者的想法。 當(dāng)一個(gè)女人懷孕了， 她不再是男性性需求的對(duì)象， 隨后進(jìn)入了生育和養(yǎng)育孩子的角色。 這樣之后，她又成為了 社區(qū)的共同財(cái)產(chǎn)。 被認(rèn)為非常重要， 但只是因?yàn)樗龖言械木壒省Ｊ遣皇牵?我把這個(gè)稱為「維倫多夫效應(yīng)」。 再一次我們看見它在 女性生活的許多方面被強(qiáng)化。
06:57
這裡有人曾經(jīng)很明顯的懷孕嗎？
07:00
是啊，很多，對(duì)嗎？ 有多少人在你懷孕時(shí) 曾被陌生人碰過你的腹部？ 有時(shí)可能根本沒有 事先徵求你的同意？ 或者有些人既不是醫(yī)生， 也不是你的私人看護(hù)， 卻來告訴你可以或不可以吃什么？ 或者問你關(guān)于你淮備 怎么生小孩的一些私密問題？ 然后再告訴你為什么 那些選擇都是錯(cuò)誤的。 是啊，我也經(jīng)歷過。 或者侍應(yīng)生拒絕給你拿一杯酒？ 這個(gè)可能會(huì)讓你停頓一下， 我知道，但是先別急。 這是一個(gè)大秘密。 其實(shí)在懷孕期間 適度的飲酒是安全的。 許多人不知道這個(gè)， 是因?yàn)獒t(yī)生信不過 把這個(gè)秘密告訴孕婦。
07:49
特別是那些受教育少的 或是非白種人。
07:53
這就告訴我們， 這個(gè)維倫多夫效應(yīng)也是有 階級(jí)歧視和種族歧視的。 它現(xiàn)形于當(dāng)政府用 每一個(gè)新的反墮胎法案 來提醒女性 她們子宮裡的東西不是她自己的， 或者當(dāng)婦產(chǎn)科醫(yī)生說： 「在懷孕期間的性行為是安全的， 但有時(shí)候很難說。 還是以防萬一不要冒險(xiǎn)，對(duì)不對(duì)？」 在「做一個(gè)好媽媽的」 的僞裝下， 她被否認(rèn)了基本的隱私和身體自主， 我們信不過她能給自己做決定。 她很可愛，記得嗎？ 讓我們告訴女性 性愉悅──抱歉。
08:38
當(dāng)我們告訴女性 懷孕期間不值得冒險(xiǎn)有性行為， 其實(shí)我們告訴她的是 她的性愉悅并不重要。 因此我們想說的是她其實(shí)并不重要， 即使她胎兒的需求 和她的需求并不相悖。
08:57
所以醫(yī)護(hù)人員們， 像美國婦產(chǎn)科醫(yī)學(xué)學(xué)會(huì)， 有機(jī)會(huì)進(jìn)行關(guān)于 孕期性行爲(wèi)安全的教育。 所以專家是怎樣說的？ 美國婦產(chǎn)科醫(yī)學(xué)學(xué)會(huì)實(shí)際上沒有 關(guān)于懷孕期間 性行爲(wèi)安全的公開聲明。 馬約診所的引導(dǎo)方針 一般上是正面的， 但也提出了警示： 「雖然大多數(shù)的女性 在懷孕期間的性行為是安全的， 有時(shí)最好還是要小心。 」
09:26
有些孕婦在懷孕期間 根本不想有性行為， 這沒關(guān)系。 有些孕婦想要有性行為 一樣也沒有關(guān)系。 我們需要做的是社會(huì)不要再教導(dǎo)女性 對(duì)自己的身體什么可以做， 什么不可以做。
09:47
懷孕的女性不是沒有臉、 沒有人格的繁衍工具。 也不是不能用自己的雙腳站起來。 真相是，真正的秘密是， 我們告訴所有的女性 他們的性愉悅是無關(guān)緊要的。 我們拒絕甚至承認(rèn) 女性和女性有性行為， 或者有些女性不想要小孩， 這些的存在。
10:08
「哦，這只是一個(gè)階段……
10:10
她只是還沒找到一個(gè)合適的人。 」
10:13
每一次當(dāng)女性有性行為， 只是因?yàn)樽约焊杏X好， 那就是一次革命。 她就是革命者。 她敢于和社會(huì)的堅(jiān)持抗?fàn)帲?對(duì)抗那些認(rèn)為她的存在只是取悅男性 或繁衍的工具。 一個(gè)女人視自己的性需求 為優(yōu)先是很可怕的， 因?yàn)楫?dāng)她把自己的性需求放首位， 就是把自己放首位。
10:43
這是一個(gè)要求被平等對(duì)待的女性。 這是一個(gè)堅(jiān)持 在權(quán)力的平臺(tái)上， 你要給她位置的女性。 最可怕的是， 我們不可能給她位置， 如果現(xiàn)有的一些人 不愿意讓出多的位置。
11:08
我有最后一個(gè)秘密分享給你們。 我是兩個(gè)男孩的母親， 我們需要得到你們的幫助。 雖然我的兒子經(jīng)常聽我說， 把女性視爲(wèi)平等對(duì)男性很重要 他們看到他們的父親也在這么做， 我們需要在外面發(fā)生的 影響到我們的家。 這不是男人或者女人的問題。 這是每一個(gè)人的問題， 我們?cè)谕呓膺@個(gè)不平等的體系裡 都起著一些的作用。 首先，我們不要再教導(dǎo)女性 怎樣對(duì)待自己的身體 什么可以做，什么不可以做。
11:50
這包括不要再把孕婦 當(dāng)成是社群的財(cái)產(chǎn)。 如果你不認(rèn)識(shí)她， 就不要去碰她的肚子。 你不會(huì)對(duì)其他人這樣。 不要教導(dǎo)她，什么她能吃或不能吃。 不要問她一些醫(yī)療的私密的細(xì)節(jié)， 這也包括 就算你個(gè)人反對(duì)墮胎， 你還是可以為女性的選擇權(quán)去抗?fàn)帯?當(dāng)談到女性平等時(shí)， 兩性之間是不需要對(duì)立的。 如果你要和女人發(fā)生性行爲(wèi)， 把她的愉悅放首位。 如果你不知道怎么做，儘管問。 如果你有孩子──
12:27
儘早和他們開始關(guān)于性的交談， 因爲(wèi)孩子不會(huì)再去用字典 來查「性」這個(gè)字了。 他們會(huì)上網(wǎng)去查。 當(dāng)你們有關(guān)于性的談話時(shí)， 不要只局限在繁衍的意義上。 人因爲(wèi)多種原因發(fā)生性行爲(wèi)， 有些因爲(wèi)他們想要小孩， 但大多數(shù)人是因爲(wèi)感覺很好。 承認(rèn)吧。
12:52
不管你有沒有小孩， 支持全面的性教育， 讓我們的青少年不會(huì)覺得羞愧。
13:07
讓青少年為他們的 性欲望和性行爲(wèi)感到羞愧， 是沒有任何正面影響的， 只會(huì)產(chǎn)生性病測(cè)試的陽性， 和懷孕測(cè)試的陽性結(jié)果。
13:18
每一天，我們都有機(jī)會(huì) 打破這個(gè)不平等的狀況。 我想我們大家都贊同 這是不管怎么麻煩都值得的。
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