Gerald Durrell（杰拉爾德·德雷爾），一位英國(guó)動(dòng)物學(xué)家、主持人和作家，澤西動(dòng)物園的創(chuàng)辦人。這封信是1978年他寫給未婚妻Lee McGeorge的情書。整封信就像一首詩(shī)，一字一句都是愛(ài)意。
一年后，他倆結(jié)婚了。兩人多次到世界各地遠(yuǎn)足探險(xiǎn)，并合作寫了兩本書。
All This I Did Without You
朗讀：Tom Hiddleston
July 31st, 1978
1978年7月31日
My darling McGeorge,
親愛(ài)的麥克喬治：
You said that things seemed clearer when they were written down.
你曾說(shuō)過(guò)把事情寫下來(lái)，他們就會(huì)變得更清楚。
Well, here with a very boring letter in which I will try and put everythingdown so that you may read and re-read at horror at your folly in gettinginvolved with me.
那么這恐怕是一封很無(wú)聊的信，在信里我會(huì)試著把所有的東西都寫下來(lái)，因此你會(huì)在恐懼中反復(fù)閱讀，為愛(ài)上我而感到愚蠢。
Deep breath.
深呼吸。
To begin with I love you with a depth and passion that I have felt for no oneelse in this life and if it astonishes you it astonishes me as well.
首先，我如此深切熱烈的愛(ài)你，以至于我此生不會(huì)再愛(ài)上其他人，如果這讓你吃驚，它同樣讓我覺(jué)得不可思議。
Not, I hasten to say, because you are not worth loving.
我必須要說(shuō)，并不是你不值得去愛(ài)。
Far from it.
遠(yuǎn)不是如此。
It's just that, first of all, I swore I would not get involved with anotherwoman.
只是，首先我發(fā)誓我不會(huì)再愛(ài)上另外一個(gè)女人。
Secondly, I have never had such a feeling before and it is almost frightening.
其次，我從未有過(guò)這樣的感覺(jué)，因而感到害怕。
Thirdly, I would never have thought it possible that another human beingcould occupy my waking (and sleeping) thoughts to the exclusion of almosteverything else.
第三，我從未想過(guò)會(huì)有一個(gè)人會(huì)占據(jù)我所有的時(shí)間（包括睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候）讓我無(wú)時(shí)無(wú)刻不在想她。
Fourthly, I never thought that – even if one was in love – one could get socompletely besotted with another person, so that a minute away from themfelt like a thousand years.
第四，我從未想過(guò)會(huì)有人，即使是處于戀愛(ài)中的人，會(huì)如此迷戀對(duì)方，以至于分開(kāi)哪怕一分鐘都像相隔千年。
Fifthly, I never hoped, aspired, dreamed that one could find everything onewanted in one person.
第五，我從未希望、渴求、幻想過(guò)能在另外一個(gè)人身上得到我想要的一切。
I was not such an idiot as to believe this was possible.
我還沒(méi)有愚蠢到認(rèn)為這是可能的。
Yet in you I have found everything I want: you are beautiful, gay, giving,gentle, idiotically and deliciously feminine, sexy, wonderfully intelligent andwonderfully silly as well.
但是在你身上我找到了我想要的一切：你不但溫柔美麗，還性格隨和樂(lè)于助人，你性感撩人、聰明機(jī)靈中還帶著點(diǎn)傻里傻氣的天真。
I want nothing else in this life than to be with you, to listen and watch you(your beautiful voice, your beauty), to argue with you, to laugh with you, toshow you things and share things with you, to explore your magnificentmind, to explore your wonderful body, to help you, protect you, serve you,and bash you on the head when I think you are wrong …
我這輩子只想和你在一起，聆聽(tīng)你的動(dòng)人聲音，欣賞你的美麗容顏，與你同甘共苦，分享生活點(diǎn)滴，探索你的浩渺思緒和曼妙身姿，幫助你，保護(hù)你，服務(wù)你，在我認(rèn)為你犯錯(cuò)了的時(shí)候念叨你……
Not to put too fine a point on it I consider that I am the only man outsidemythology to have found the crock of gold at the rainbow's end.
坦白來(lái)說(shuō)，我認(rèn)為我是唯一一個(gè)在神話中的彩虹盡頭發(fā)現(xiàn)了金匣子的人。
But – having said all that – let us consider things in detail.
但是說(shuō)完這些，讓我們從細(xì)節(jié)角度考慮。
Don't let this become public but … well, I have one or two faults.
不要公開(kāi)這件事……但是確實(shí)，我會(huì)犯一回兩回錯(cuò)。
Minor ones, I hasten to say.
甚至更多小錯(cuò)誤，我必須承認(rèn)。
For example, I am inclined to be overbearing.
比如說(shuō)，我有時(shí)候會(huì)有些蠻橫。
I do it for the best possible motives (all tyrants say that) but I do tend(without thinking) to tread people underfoot.
我這么做的目的是好的（所有的暴君都這么說(shuō)），但是我確實(shí)容易（不加思考）忽略別人的想法。
You must tell me when I am doing it to you, my sweet, because it can be avery bad thing in a marriage.
親愛(ài)的，當(dāng)我對(duì)你這么做的時(shí)候你一定要告訴我，因?yàn)檫@會(huì)是一段婚姻中非常糟糕的事情。
Right. Second blemish.
那么，第二個(gè)缺點(diǎn)。
This, actually, is not so much a blemish of character as a blemish ofcircumstance.
這其實(shí)是一個(gè)形勢(shì)的瑕疵而不是一個(gè)人性格上的瑕疵。
Darling I want you to be you in your own right and I will do everything I canto help you in this.
親愛(ài)的我希望你有做自己的權(quán)利，為此我會(huì)盡我所能來(lái)幫助你。
But you must take into consideration that I am also me in my own right andthat I have a headstart on you …
但同樣的你也要考慮到我也有做自己的權(quán)利，而且我比你有優(yōu)勢(shì)……
What I am trying to say is that you must not feel offended if you aresometimes treated simply as my wife.
我想說(shuō)的是，如果有的時(shí)候我怠慢了你，你千萬(wàn)不要?dú)鈵馈?/span>
Always remember that what you lose on the swings you gain on theroundabouts.
要時(shí)刻記住失之東隅，收之桑榆。
But I am an established 'creature' in the world, and so – on occasions – youwill have to live in my shadow.
然而我在世界上算是一個(gè)'知名'人物，有時(shí)你可能會(huì)活在我的光環(huán)之下。
Nothing gives me less pleasure than this but it is a fact of life that has to befaced.
這是讓我最不開(kāi)心的一件事，但是我們卻都要面對(duì)。
Third (and very important and nasty) blemish: jealousy.
第三個(gè)缺點(diǎn)（非常重要和嚴(yán)重）：嫉妒。
I don't think you know what jealousy is (thank God) in the real sense of theword.
我認(rèn)為你并不知道嫉妒的真正含義（感謝上帝）。
I know that you have felt jealousy over Lincoln's wife and child, but this iswhat I call normal jealousy, and this – to my regret – is not what I've got.
我知道你肯定羨慕過(guò)林肯的妻子和孩子，這種是我所說(shuō)的一般嫉妒，但這很遺憾也是我沒(méi)能得到的。
What I have got is a black monster that can pervert my good sense, my goodhumour and any goodness that I have in my make-up.
我得到的是一個(gè)能夠扭曲我的想法、幽默和善良的邪惡怪物。
It is really a Jekyll and Hyde situation … my Hyde is stronger than my goodsense and defeats me, hard though I try.
這是一個(gè)雙重人格的情況……我的邪惡面要比我的善良面更強(qiáng)，并且打敗了我，盡管我盡力反抗也于事無(wú)補(bǔ)。
As I told you, I have always known that this lurks within me, but I couldcontrol it, and my monster slumbered and nothing happened to awake it.
正如我告訴你的一樣，我一直知道這些潛伏在我心中，我能控制它，我內(nèi)心的怪物正蟄伏，卻沒(méi)有任何事物能夠喚醒它。
Then I met you and I felt my monster stir and become half awake when youtold me of Lincoln and others you have known, and with your letter mymonster came out of its lair, black, irrational, bigoted, stupid, evil,malevolent.
之后我遇見(jiàn)了你，我心中的怪物蘇醒了，并且在你告訴我林肯以及其他你認(rèn)識(shí)的人的時(shí)候就已經(jīng)半醒了，隨著你的信，我心中那黑暗的、不理性的、偏執(zhí)的、愚蠢的、邪惡的怪物走出了它的獸穴。
You will never know how terribly corrosive jealousy is; it is a physical pain asthough you had swallowed acid or red hot coals.
你不會(huì)知道惡毒的嫉妒會(huì)有多么糟糕，那像是喝下迷幻藥或者是燒紅煤塊帶來(lái)的痛。
It is the most terrible of feelings.
這是最糟糕的感覺(jué)。
But you can't help it – at least I can't, and God knows I've tried.
但是你卻無(wú)能為力——至少我不行，上帝知道我嘗試過(guò)了。
I don't want any ex-boyfriends sitting in church when I marry you.
當(dāng)我迎娶你的時(shí)候，我可不想有任何一位男朋友坐在教堂里面。
On our wedding day I want nothing but happiness, both for you and me, andI know I won't be happy if there is a church full of your ex-conquests.
在我們結(jié)婚的那天，我只希望你我都幸福，但是我知道，如果教堂里都是你的前任，我是不會(huì)高興的。
When I marry you I will have no past, only a future: I don't want to drag mypast into our future and I don't want you to do it, either.
當(dāng)我娶你的時(shí)候，我們就忘掉過(guò)去，只看到未來(lái)：我不想我的過(guò)去介入我們的未來(lái)，我同樣不希望你的過(guò)去介入。
Remember I am jealous of you because I love you.
記住，我嫉妒你，是因?yàn)槲覑?ài)你。
You are never jealous of something you don't care about.
你不會(huì)嫉妒任何你不關(guān)心的事。
O. K. enough about jealousy.
好了，關(guān)于嫉妒就到這里。
Now let me tell you something.
現(xiàn)在我要告訴你一些事情。
I have seen a thousand sunsets and sunrises, on land where it floods forestand mountains with honey coloured light, at sea where it rises and sets like ablood orange in a multicoloured nest of cloud, slipping in and out of the vastocean.
我看過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)次日出日落，在大地上，森林和群山都被籠罩在光芒之中，在大海上，為五彩的云朵增添上一抹血橘色，在無(wú)垠的大海上劃進(jìn)劃出。
I have seen a thousand moons: harvest moons like gold coins, winter moonsas white as ice chips, new moons like baby swans' feathers.
我看過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)次月亮：滿月如金幣，寒月潔白似冰屑，新月宛如小天鵝的羽毛。
I have seen seas as smooth as if painted, coloured like shot silk or blue as akingfisher or transparent as glass or black and crumpled with foam, movingponderously and murderously.
我看過(guò)大海平靜如止，顏色如緞，或藍(lán)如翠鳥，或如玻璃般透明，抑或如烏黑褶皺的泡沫，沉重而危險(xiǎn)的翻動(dòng)著。
I have felt winds straight from the South Pole, bleak and wailing like a lostchild; winds as tender and warm as a lover's breath; winds that carried theastringent smell of salt and the death of seaweeds; winds that carried themoist rich smell of a forest floor, the smell of a million flowers.
我感受過(guò)來(lái)自南極的烈風(fēng)，寒冷呼嘯著像一個(gè)走失的兒童；感受過(guò)如愛(ài)人呼吸般的柔風(fēng)；摻雜著苦澀的咸味和海草死亡氣息的海風(fēng)；彌散著森林大地肥沃土壤氣息和千萬(wàn)種花香的山風(fēng)。
Fierce winds that churned and moved the sea like yeast, or winds that madethe waters lap at the shore like a kitten.
狂風(fēng)濤海如同酵母發(fā)酵起沫，或使海水輕拍海岸像小貓一般。
I have known silence: the cold, earthy silence at the bottom of a newly dugwell; the implacable stony silence of a deep cave; the hot, drugged middaysilence when everything is hypnotised and stilled into silence by the eye ofthe sun; the silence when great music ends.
我了解寧?kù)o：一口新井中寒冷又樸實(shí)的寧?kù)o；一個(gè)深洞中無(wú)情冷酷的寧?kù)o；炎熱迷離的午后萬(wàn)物被炎炎烈日催眠的寧?kù)o；一曲美妙音樂(lè)結(jié)束的寧?kù)o。
I have heard summer cicadas cry so that the sound seems stitched into yourbones.
我聽(tīng)過(guò)夏日蟬鳴如芒在骨。
I have heard tree frogs in an orchestration as complicated as Bach singing in aforest lit by a million emerald fireflies.
我聽(tīng)過(guò)樹蛙在無(wú)數(shù)螢火蟲點(diǎn)亮的森林中演奏著如巴赫管弦樂(lè)般美妙復(fù)雜的旋律。
I have heard the Keas calling over grey glaciers that groaned to themselveslike old people as they inched their way to the sea.
我聽(tīng)過(guò)啄羊鸚鵡飛躍冰川叫喊著，像老人呻吟著走向大海。
I have heard the hoarse street vendor cries of the mating Fur seals as theysang to their sleek golden wives, the crisp staccato admonishment of theRattlesnake, the cobweb squeak of the Bat and the belling roar of the Reddeer knee-deep in purple heather.
我聽(tīng)過(guò)聲嘶力竭的街道商販成交皮草生意的叫嚷，好像是對(duì)他們鎏金妻子的贊美；響尾蛇清脆卻不連貫的警告聲；成群結(jié)隊(duì)的蝙蝠的刺耳叫聲；馬鹿在齊膝的紫石楠中的咆哮。
I have heard Wolves baying at a winter's moon, Red howlers making theforest vibrate with their roaring cries.
我聽(tīng)過(guò)狼群在冬夜對(duì)月長(zhǎng)嚎，紅吼候嘯震山林。
I have heard the squeak, purr and grunt of a hundred multi-coloured reeffishes.
我聽(tīng)過(guò)珊瑚群中異彩斑斕的魚群發(fā)出的吱吱、呱呱和呢喃。
I have seen hummingbirds flashing like opals round a tree of scarlet blooms,humming like a top.
我見(jiàn)過(guò)蜂鳥如同寶石一般圍繞著開(kāi)紅花的樹閃爍，如陀螺一般哼鳴作響。
I have seen flying fish, skittering like quicksilver across the blue waves,drawing silver lines on the surface with their tails.
我見(jiàn)過(guò)飛魚如水銀一般穿越藍(lán)色海浪，用他們的尾翼在海面上劃下銀色痕跡。
I have seen Spoonbills flying home to roost like a scarlet banner across thesky.
我見(jiàn)過(guò)琵鷺像朱紅的旗幟從鳥巢飛往鳥群。
I have seen Whales, black as tar, cushioned on a cornflower blue sea,creating a Versailles of fountain with their breath.
我見(jiàn)過(guò)漆黑洳焦的鯨魚，在如矢車菊般的藍(lán)色海洋中停留，呼吸間創(chuàng)造了一個(gè)凡爾賽宮的噴泉。
I have watched butterflies emerge and sit, trembling, while the sun irons theirwings smooth.
我見(jiàn)過(guò)陽(yáng)光熨展蝴蝶的翅膀，它浮現(xiàn)、停頓、又扇動(dòng)。
I have watched Tigers, like flames, mating in the long grass.
我見(jiàn)過(guò)鮮如火焰的老虎在長(zhǎng)草之中親昵。
I have been dive-bombed by an angry Raven, black and glossy as the Devil'shoof.
我曾被憤怒的烏鴉俯沖攻擊，如魔鬼的爪牙黑暗順滑。
I have lain in water warm as milk, soft as silk, while around me played a hostof Dolphins.
我曾躺在溫暖如牛奶、柔順如絲綢的水中，任一群海豚在我身邊嬉戲。
I have met a thousand animals and seen a thousand wonderful things …
我曾遇到過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)生靈，曾看過(guò)無(wú)數(shù)美景……
All this I did without you.
這一切卻未與你共度。
This was my loss.
這都會(huì)是我的損失。
All this I want to do with you.
這些事情我都想與你共度。
This will be my gain.
這一切才會(huì)是我的收獲。
All this I would gladly have forgone for the sake of one minute of yourcompany,
為了有你一分鐘的陪伴，我愿放棄這一切，
for your laugh, your voice, your eyes, hair, lips, body, and above all for yoursweet, ever surprising mind which is an enchanting quarry in which it is myprivilege to delve.
為你的笑聲，你的聲音，你的眼睛，頭發(fā)，嘴唇，身體，尤其是你善良又令人驚喜的心，那是只有我有權(quán)利開(kāi)采的寶藏。
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