天老外和幾個(gè)人在休息室里打牌，前臺(tái)小姐走了進(jìn)來說道“how are you?how old are you play poke in here?"怎么是你??？怎么你老是在這打牌的？老外“I don't know what about talking"前臺(tái)小姐“what?what?you don't know what I say!什么，什么嗎，你不知道我所說的。老外“i am sorry i can't follow you,speak in english.please"前臺(tái)小姐“****,i say english now"媽的，我就在說英文了啊。老外“em!i want to talk with your head."前臺(tái)小姐“head no zai,come tomorrow again"主官不在，明天在來。真是令人當(dāng)場斃命
1每周規(guī)定一個(gè)只說英語的晚上，聽英文歌曲，看英文電影，連炒菜都用英文菜譜2用英語寫一封情書。如果你暗戀的對象不懂英語那就更完美啦！
3寫英語打油詩娛樂一下If you care for me - I care for you ，You miss me - I miss you You like me - I like you.
You message me - I message you your forget me - I’m sorry that where I’m different from you. I’ll kill you. 不好意思這點(diǎn)我與你不同4抄寫一則英語幽默笑話 5上網(wǎng)查找你喜歡的英文歌曲的歌詞，大聲學(xué)唱
6給自己胡編亂造一個(gè)帥哥美女的自傳。
7找?guī)讉€(gè)朋友打牌，堅(jiān)決使用英文！假裝不會(huì)中文！
8洗碗抹桌子、拖地板搞衛(wèi)生的時(shí)候記得用英語自言自語。 9無聊的時(shí)候在家里走來走去，用英語說出每個(gè)東西的名稱。不會(huì)的去查字典10加入英語網(wǎng)站的會(huì)員，沒事就上去逛逛，聊天灌水。
1,Two birds
T: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
S: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
T: Please tell us.
S: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時(shí)，當(dāng)同學(xué)們都還在苦思冥想時(shí)，尼克很快就答好了第一個(gè)問題。
為什么在打雷時(shí)，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？
因?yàn)檠劬υ谇埃湓诤?
5.You looked a lot like my wife
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
6. I Could Use a Little Money
Dear Father,
school is really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and studying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply don't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can just $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I know that astronomy, economics, and oceanography are enough to keep even an honor student busy. Do not forget that the pursuit of knowledge is a noble task, and you can never study enough.
7.Two thousand five hundred!"
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."
There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"
8.Is John Listening?
Teacher: John, why aren't you listening?
John: But, teacher, I am listening!
Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said.
John: You said, "John, why aren't you listening?"
9. Keys to one Success
One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness.
Once you promise somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's word.'
"What is cleverness? asked his son.
"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.
10.I always do
Two motorists stopped head-on on a bridge too narrow for their cars to pass.
"I never back up for an idiot." said one driver angrily.
"I always do." replied the other as he shifted into reverse.
11.He told me to see you
Doctor: And whom did you consult about your illness before you came to me?
Patient: Only the druggist down at the corner.
Doctor: And what sort of ridiculous advice did he gave you?
Patient: He told me to see you!
14.A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一個(gè)引擎
一架747客機(jī)正在跨越大西洋時(shí)，喇叭里傳來了機(jī)長的聲音：“旅客們請注意，我們的四個(gè)引擎中有一個(gè)丟失了。但剩下的三個(gè)引擎會(huì)把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時(shí) 。” 過了一會(huì)兒，旅客們又聽到機(jī)長的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎么啦 ？我們剛又掉了第三個(gè)引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個(gè)引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個(gè)小時(shí)了?！?正在這時(shí)，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個(gè)引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了?！?
15. "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫(yī)生住在樓下 “醫(yī)生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說道。
“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病。”
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”
16.One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out. The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當(dāng)我終于走進(jìn)屋里時(shí)大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風(fēng)玻璃?！?
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了？”
17. A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell, "Get the kid."
這里想對將要退休者提一點(diǎn)忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，
千萬別進(jìn)退休社區(qū)。因?yàn)槟抢锶巳硕计甙耸畾q或者八九十歲了。每當(dāng)要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時(shí)，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧?！?
18. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客 一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個(gè)門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。
“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會(huì)空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。
19. -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個(gè)打贏的吧
-- 服務(wù)員，這個(gè)龍蝦只有一只爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個(gè)打贏的吧。
20. M: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
A: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
M: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
可是你該在報(bào)紙上登廣告啊！
沒有用的，我的小狗不認(rèn)識(shí)字?！?
21. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺(tái)，銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
22. He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個(gè)大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。
-- 他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
23.
What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會(huì)和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會(huì)直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子
身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個(gè)答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農(nóng)夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會(huì)生氣的；而如果你踩了農(nóng)夫腳底的雞眼，他會(huì)更生氣。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因?yàn)閟nail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強(qiáng)壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個(gè)短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因?yàn)槌诉@個(gè)意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會(huì)去夢游了。
24. One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: That is no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
G: Yes, that is what he did.
P: That is still no reason to call him that.
G: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
P (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
G: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that is what he did...
P My dear girl, that is still no reason to call him a...
G But he had AID
經(jīng)典
1． Pain past is pleasure.
（過去的痛苦就是快樂。）[無論多么艱難一定要咬牙沖過去，將來回憶起來一定甜蜜無比。]
2． While there is life, there is hope.
（有生命就有希望/留得青山在，不怕沒柴燒。
3． Wisdom in the mind is better than money in the hand.
（腦中有知識(shí)，勝過手中有金錢。）[從小灌輸給孩子的堅(jiān)定信念。]
4． Storms make trees take deeper roots.
（風(fēng)暴使樹木深深扎根。）[感激敵人，感激挫折！]
5． Nothing is impossible for a willing heart.
（心之所愿，無所不成。）[堅(jiān)持一個(gè)簡單的信念就一定會(huì)成功。]
6． The shortest answer is doing.
（最簡單的回答就是干。）[想說流利的英語嗎？那么現(xiàn)在就開口！心動(dòng)不如嘴動(dòng)。]
7． All things are difficult before they are easy.
（凡事必先難后易。）[放棄投機(jī)取巧的幻想。]
8． Great hopes make great man. （偉大的理想造就偉大的人。）
9． God helps those who help themselves.（天助自助者。）
10． Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more.
（四個(gè)簡短的詞匯概括了成功的秘訣：多一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)?。?
[比別人多一點(diǎn)努力、多一點(diǎn)自律、多一點(diǎn)決心、多一點(diǎn)反省、多一點(diǎn)學(xué)習(xí)、多一點(diǎn)實(shí)踐、多一點(diǎn)瘋狂，多一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)就能創(chuàng)造奇跡！]
11． In doing we learn.（實(shí)踐長才干。）
12． East or west, home is best.（東好西好，還是家里最好。）
13． Two heads are better than one.（三個(gè)臭皮匠，頂個(gè)諸葛亮。）
14． Good company on the road is the shortest cut.（行路有良伴就是捷徑。）
15． Constant dropping wears the stone.（滴水穿石。）
16． Misfortunes never come alone/single.（禍不單行。）
17． Misfortunes tell us what fortune is.（不經(jīng)災(zāi)禍不知福。）
18． Better late than never.（遲做總比不做好；晚來總比不來好。）
19． It's never too late to mend.（過而能改，善莫大焉；亡羊補(bǔ)牢，猶未晚也。）
20． If a thing is worth doing it is worth doing well.（如果事情值得做，就值得做好。）
21． Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.（無熱情成就不了偉業(yè)。）
22． Actions speak louder than words.（行動(dòng)比語言更響亮。）
23． Lifeless, faultless.（只有死人才不犯錯(cuò)誤。）
24． From small beginning come great things.（偉大始于渺小。）
25． One today is worth two tomorrows.（一個(gè)今天勝似兩個(gè)明天。）
26． Truth never fears investigation.（事實(shí)從來不怕調(diào)查。）
27． The tongue is boneless but it breaks bones.（舌無骨卻能折斷骨。）
28． A bold attempt is half success.（勇敢的嘗試是成功的一半。）
29． Knowing something of everything and everything of something.
（通百藝而專一長。）[瘋狂咬舌頭]
30． Good advice is beyond all price.（忠告是無價(jià)寶
好的工作心態(tài)
Strategies to improve your job satisfaction
如何提高工作滿意度
Depending on the underlying cause of your dissatisfaction, there may be several ways to increase your job satisfaction. 對工作不滿的潛在原因不同，提高工作滿意度的方法也不同。
積極的心態(tài)是提高你對工作的滿意度的最有效的方法之一。
Stay positive
保持積極的心態(tài)
Use positive thinking to reframe your thoughts about your job. Changing your attitude about work won’t necessarily happen overnight. But if you are alert to ways your view of work brings you down, you can improve your job satisfaction. Try these techniques: 積極思考來重塑自己對工作的看法。工作態(tài)度的改變不是一朝一夕的事情。但是如果你能警覺讓你對工作失望的看法，你就能提高工作滿意度。 試一試下面這些技巧：
* Stop negative thoughts. 停止消極思維。Pay attention to the messages you give yourself. When you catch yourself thinking your job is terrible, stop the thought in its tracks. 注意你給自己傳達(dá)的訊息。當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己認(rèn)為工作糟糕時(shí)，立刻停止這種想法。
* Put things in perspective. Remember, everyone encounters good days and bad days on the job. 看遠(yuǎn)一點(diǎn)。別忘了，每個(gè)人在工作中都會(huì)有起有伏。
* Look for the silver lining. "Reframing" can help you find the good in a bad situation. For example, you receive a less than perfect performance appraisal and your boss warns you to improve or move to another job. Instead of taking it personally or looking for another job right away, look for the silver lining. Depending on where you work, the silver lining may be attending continuing education classes, working closely with a performance coach and having the satisfaction of showing your boss you`re capable of change. 看到好的一面?！叭碌乃季S”能幫助你在逆境中發(fā)現(xiàn)好的一面。例如，你的考核評定為“不算完美”，老板讓你注意去提高，否則就要把你解雇。不要認(rèn)為這件事是針對你個(gè)人的或馬上就找新的工作，你要看到好的一面。工作的地方不一樣，好的一面也會(huì)有所不同，你也許可以接受持續(xù)教育培訓(xùn)，或者和業(yè)績教練一起工作、向你的老板展示你可以改變、從中獲得滿足。
* Learn from your mistakes. 從錯(cuò)誤中學(xué)習(xí)。Failure is one of the greatest learning tools, but many people let failure defeat them. When you make a mistake at work, learn from it and try again. 失敗是最好的學(xué)習(xí)工具之一，但是許多人卻因?yàn)槭《货瓴徽?。?dāng)你在工作中犯了一個(gè)錯(cuò)誤，從中學(xué)習(xí)，再努力。 Be grateful. 學(xué)會(huì)感恩。Gratitude can help you focus on what’s positive about your job. Ask yourself, "What am I grateful for at work today?" If it’s only that you’re having lunch with a trusted co-worker, that’s OK. But find at leastone thing you’re grateful for and savor it. 感恩的心情能讓你關(guān)注工作中積極的方面。 問自己：“今天工作中有什么讓我去感激?”既使答案只不過是和自己信任的同事一起吃午飯也可以。 但是，至少找出一樣令自己感激的事，然后去體驗(yàn)它的滋味。
Whether your work is a job, a career or a calling, you can take steps to restore meaning to your job. Make the best of difficult work situations by being positive. Doing so will help you manage your stress and experience the rewards of your profession. 無論你所做的是職業(yè)，事業(yè)，還是天職，你都能做些事情來恢復(fù)其意義。帶著積極的心態(tài)充分利用工作困境，這樣能幫助你處理好精神壓力、體會(huì)到職業(yè)給你的回報(bào)。(the end)
真愛
Sometimes I really doubt whether there is love between my parents. Every day they are very busy trying to earn money in order to pay the high tuition for my brother and me. They don't act in the romantic ways that I read in books or I see on TV. In their opinion, "I love you" is too luxurious for them to say. Sending flowers to each other on Valentine's Day is even more out of the question. Finally my father has a bad temper. When he's very tired from the hard work, it is easy for him to lose his temper.
One day, my mother was sewing a quilt. I silently sat down beside her and looked at her.
"Mom, I have a question to ask you," I said after a while.
"What?" she replied, still doing her work.
"Is there love between you and Dad?" I asked her in a very low voice.
My mother stopped her work and raised her head with surprise in her eyes. She didn't answer immediately. Then she bowed her head and continued to sew the quilt.
I was very worried because I thought I had hurt her. I was in a great embarrassment and I didn't know what I should do. But at last I heard my mother say the following words "Susan," she said thoughtfully, "Look at this thread. Sometimes it appears, but most of it disappears but most of it disappears in the quilt. The thread really makes the quilt strong and durable. If life is a quilt, then love should be a thread. It can hardly be seen anywhere or anytime, but it's really there. Love is inside.
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